Struggle or die

I've heart this quote repeatedly over several occasions & in different arrangement of words that, you got to move on.

Is accepting things, a part of moving on? I don't know but it appears like it.
"Let go the struggle,
Don't fight,
Accept the way things are,
Be happy with whatever it is."

What if these lines are preached to a ongoing rape victim, or someone who's getting kidnapped, or a guy appearing for some crucial exam. I don't think so.

Imagine a scene, a painter is creating his master piece. Now pick one thing or person out of this scene, dead or alive, The painter, his brush, the colours, or the masterpiece itself. Which one did you choose? Remember the thing you pick is you.

If you choose the masterpiece,
Congratulations, you're a magnificent picture.
But what's next for you? Even The Mona Lisa is just hung at Louvre museum. Nonchalant, immobile & pretty much dead.

If you choose the brush or the paint,
It would be a good choice, & Maybe you have a slight more lifespan the painting itself. But the same question goes for you this time, what's next for you? Trash would be the right destination in most of the cases unless the Painter is maniac.

How about being a little more creative in selecting & choosing the stool on which painter sits while painting? Well in terms of lifespan the stool could outrun everyone, but what fate do we have for it? The stool has to face and kiss the warm behind of the painter forever. No promotions, not being your own boss( who am i kidding, you seen, a stool sitting on a person?).

If you want to live the longest you would have chosen the stool but how does it defines you? You'll do what you're born for, what you're told to, and as long as you serve your master by being a comfort for their ass, you live. The day you raise a Nail being a rebel to the authority, you'll be terminated for violence.

The first choice comes the last here, the obvious, and the most alive of all of them,
The painter.
There is hope, possibility, optimism of setting new records. No one will ever tell a painter to accept things the way they are, specially not their manager after the painter tastes success. Yes there would be a long chain of  camaraderie, people coaxing them to say a few words, girls wanting to taste some of the famous ink, yet it won't last, unless there's more to offer.

If you think about it, every non-living choice you made had that docile quality about them. The painter otherwise, had struggle. Only 1% of painters in the world are recognised today, rest of them are graphics designer. ( Pun intended).
We've progressed a lot from our caveman predecessors. They had a low mortality, struggled everyday for food & shelter. For them it was struggle or die. Bingo, exactly that's how it should be right now. Struggle or die. Accepting the circumstances means you're dead or will die sooner or later.

In life, if you're not seeing enough struggle, you're not going anywhere. Take me for an example, i lost the most precious contact i had with another human, & no Matter how much i try, how many dead contacts i dial again, i wouldn't find that one person without whom life is not so much the way it was earlier. But will it stop me? It's trying but nay, i won't give in, I'll be out there, keeping my pride. Searching for new possibilities, settings new records, because that's the whole point of living.

Toxic Relationship Patterns

While surfing through the net, i i stumbled upon a study that claims 80% of people end up recreating the relationships they've grown up in. For example, a child surrounded by domestic violence, is highly prone to becoming a violent person in a relationship or is attracted towards getting into a relationship with a physically violent person.

The study made me think whether my previous relationships are a classic example of such toxic Relationships. The despair and coldness between my parents while i was a child could be suggestive of how easily i could turn callous or numb to the emotions involved in my own life.

Drinking has always been a family issue and we've been affected dramatically because of it. Knowing that, i don't shy away from few pegs of single malt once a week, does it mean I'm going down as well?

My last relationship was beautiful and i didn't want anything but to be with her for the last three years. we were close and it was truly magical. I'm scared that I'll ever find something like that ever again. I'm scared that I truly ran out of that, that kind of emotional availability.

So, the obvious choice I'm left with here is to stay off any substantial knots. Maybe that explains my fear of getting hitched as on the back of my head I'm prepared for it to collapse.
Yeah,
I'm better off these strings, better alone than ruin more lives.

Current On Current Gone

It has occurred to me that after all peaks and falls, when time came to relishing, there's was a scarce number of people i could enjoy with. As i write this post out of boredom, i sensed that maybe, maybe it's time to accepting the real me.
I stopped writing about my life, as a promise i made to my girlfriend back then. She asked me that it hurt her to see my words pouring out for another girls and that she couldn't come to terms with the way i used to elaborate & express the aura those people created. It was logical, as this blog have became my journal, which is supposed to be kept to myself as an individual like to keep a personal diary. There are bits and pieces of intimate details and in depth affairs i had in past, wow, i should've deleted the blog.

Coming to the present, after years of struggle and fighting destiny, i cracked a government job's exam, Now I'm a CA in the state's electricity board. I had to work odd jobs, and the last one was where i was working as a creative writer (i miss that job). The present is not dull but I'd say  slightly meaningless, i don't have anything to fight for, there's no love interest, not a aim, a bullseye. Today i get up, drink my way to the dawn and sleep.

I have to find something or someone i could devour, someone i could read, something i feel passionate for, something that triggers an explosion of creative juices inside me. I'm looking for a fire that burns and entice me at the same point. An old soul suggested, patience is the only weapon left in my armoury but I'll steer clear of that as patience only makes you inactive.
It's time to step up.
Game on bitches.

wet

I usually spend about 30 minutes into the washroom,
Before I do anything I turn on the geezer because I can’t stand cold water in the morning it ruins the night  I’ve still stored in my eyes.
I used to trim my hair daily but since last few months  I’ve started keeping a little stubble but fairly trimmed 
I brush my teeth twice because the first time the tooth of brush is hard and it gets too rough on gums, it follows with a Listerine mouthwash. I like to dilute the mouthwash a little before rolling it in my mouth. It’s too stingy to be taken without a 20 ml of water in it.
While the whole procedure of getting ready for work lasts, my eyes are drowsy and you can sense it from the puffiness and although you might find them attractive in certain ways, I feel like punching anyone I see that time because yes, I’m a little cranky at the mornings, usually people find it delightful to greet with a smile and I like to respond with a middle finger pointed at them
 I can barely see through my eyes and there are often times when I pick up a facewash instead of a toothpaste to put on to my brush.

I like taking a shower naked because I don’t like anything coming between my skin and the hot stream of soothing water,   there’s something eternally enchanting about the warm water touching your skin, like if the water had feelings, it will be getting intimate with you in most alluring ways, touching you at places no one else would ever think of.

I can do with any soap they all comes from the same fats potassium sodium treated under strong chemical preservatives with a tad bit of different colors and fragrances, in the end they’re all serving same purpose in mildly different way.
I don’t use soap for my face since the skin of face is much sensitive that can be affected by the smallest of things, that’s why I use a lemon based facewash or something which include benzoyl  peroxide and salicylic acid in strong composition since I have a acnegenic  skin, while purchasing a facewash I make sure that it doesn’t have a perfume or any fragrance, because people don’t sniff your face whenever you’re with them, not generally.

 The only shampoo I use is the one with anti dandruff property, that’s it that’s all, pour some on my palm gently spread it over the palm of the other hand and play a little with your hair, let the bubbly mess reached the roots of my hair crawl onto my scalp and don’t leave a single hair untouched.

I Wait for 1-3 minutes and rinse it off with the warm water.

That’s almost all of it…
almost….

  

I too had a birth date

I don't know about all of you but I'm pretty sick of celebrating birthday every year... It gets old after sometimes.. Yes i was born, so was the rest of billions of people.. What's so special about it... Anyway..

Found a little piece of mail flickering in the inbox that went by the subject do reply.. Something i thought I should post.. 

A birthday wish from a lost soul...

 "

Hey!

So i have no freaking idea. Cuz you confused me bad. But in my memory. 

A VERY BERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOGESH!!

Been trying to write a perfect letter for a week now. Vain. 

We have known each other ten months today!  Yeah. Ten months. We have laughed we have fought we have stared at each other embarrassed stares more laughs and stares kissed a few times. We still know so less about each other yet i feel as if we are so close. We talk about things and pain being our strongest suit and put on the cover of being non emo. You especially. Maybe you are. Your are 24 today. Woah! Lost your youth years ago yes. Still young in my eyes. I wish i could be there today with you. Well i wanted to. Had the perfect plan. But had made promises to my nephew to take him out. So couldn't say no. No excuses here allowed. I know. 

I want to make you happy cuz of me too. You are at peace and you are content sort of.as you say. Good. Well i have atleast been one of the constant women in your life for the past months. That makes me glad. Feels good. I want to sot with you like before and talk just talk. Hope it happens soon. I get permission. And be less fearful. 

Want to make you laugh. Want to see you blush. Yes you do blush. Want to stare at you and get those chills when you stare back. Just us. Having fun like we used to. We both need it. I do. 

I hope this year brings you happiness. Hope this birthday changes things and take you more closer to your professional goals. And yes the few clicks on snapchat too. So you can flash all you want. :*

My opinions of you are still the same as they were day one. But I won't call you sad anymore. I trust you. What you say. You van find your own happiness and distarctions very well wherever you want. Admire that about you. Its better than sitting alone and crying. Isn't it. Probably. Well. Be content. It suits you. It always will. DON'T LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE. wrote it in the letter too. Don't know if you have ever read it again. Its just a reminder for you of how amazingly cute you are. And how i am always there by your side standing next to you in all good and bad. For i wanna be your angel with the horns on my head. :p 

Will be here for you. Maybe not meet you. But we always got skype biba. I am not a good person i know that. I remember you were by my side onmy birthday and always are here whenever i ask. But i suck i know. You made my birthday so so so much special. Hope i could do the same. But al i am doing is writing you a freakishly long email. I know we talked about a lil details pf your past. I atill regret it at times. But mglad now i know your pain atleast a bit. If not all. I am really really sorrgabout that. 

But yu came out headstrong again. Super proud of you. Stars are in your eyes darling. You will always shine. And it rhymed. Wow. 

I am here. Holding your hand always. Don't let go. I am here for you. Not just for me.  

I would love to all your tattoos one day in person. Let's cuddle and talk. Oh you don't cuddle. Hmm. Its okay. We can. Your secrets are safe with me bibaa. Always. 

 Cuddle ❤️

Hehe. So pushy i am. 

A very berrry happy birthday my wolfy!! 

Stay awesome. The handsomest star. 

L you 

Won't say it before you do now. 

Hehe

mmmuaaah!!! 

Laaado meri. "

I seriously melt whenever i imagine her calling me laado... 

To which i replied... 

"

It's just the way i want it to be.
i was born, that was a good enough reason to celebrate. but i was born 24 years ago. PERIOD. Birthday is just another day for me,
i don't believe in celebrating the fact that I've lived for another year without much of a loss. Or i've gained some extraordinary experience in this period, nothing like that. evolution isn't constant, doesn't have a cycle.

anyway.
thanks for your wishes.
yes, I'm at peace, I'm happy with the distractions because this makes me live the life to it's full potential. I've added another chapter to it by joining talwalkars at c scheme. because i needed to fill the space between getting off from work to going back to my home and taking care of the plants. I'm not a fan of healthy life or anything but just wanted to spend the time by doing something constructive. Yes. I'm living life the way i want, so later on after 10 years I don't have any regrets for not trying. I've stopped shaving since past 2-3 months and shaved off my head again. i laugh at strangers who's first reaction after watching me is that if i'm muslim or sikh. It's a fun fact that how easily our society judges a person based on his looks, gesture or the way he persuade stuff. You can call me an ISIS agent or Amish for instance.. doesn't matter. never did.

And it's not about you and me having a discussion about that era of my life. everyone has their fare share of good time and bad time, what matters is how you handle the situation. I happen to handled it in worst ways that i never feel pride for, maybe everything happens for a reason. I don't think about life as if things would have been better if that part didn't occurred in that particular way in my life. what happened... happened. We can't change it. A great love story doesn't have a happy ending. Cliché, i know.. but yes its true.

but life is much better then these things, we have so much to live for, smallest moments can give you greatest pleasure, for instance I've just realised i don't  stare much at keyboard to type. it's a cause of happiness.. small yet it holds it's beauty.
focus on yourself and learn the art of perfection. been my mantra for a while now. I've learned that you shouldn't be dependent on others for your happiness, everyone has their own set of problems to deal with. If you want to do something take first step towards it, toddler step, but a step, at least you've pride that you chose this path, trust me pappi ji, even if you fail at a wrong decision, you'll have a glory of taking it yourself. and don't press the blame on others for your life.


Does it affect me that even after being 24 you're chicken shit scared off your parents, a little yes. do i care? nope. i don't really think about it. your life, your policies. At least you can be happy about the fact that your shit rich.. :P kidding. you're awesome at correcting other's grammar.. and you've got soft paws.. i just want to eat them up.. :P . do i advice you to do anything.. nope. just find the purpose to live... that's what i search for.


Am i at a better place now. Yes, and it can always get better if i push myself an extra mile. another breathe... another step.


being happy or sad is just a matter of choice.
you just have to find yours.

xoxo Saiba,
hugs and love.

I don't have a reason to post this one but whenever i read this conversation... I found that I'm so full of myself.. Lol.. 

Love yourself.. 

Dillusioned

Sitting in this dim witted circle of society... I look around and find  People dissolved in their mortal conversations about immortality... 

Seeking wisdom and guidance of an grey soul... I starred at Mr.Old monk and Words spilled out of my mouth... "Tell me about this place.. What it used to be a few decades ago... What changed in these years.. Where is it going to stand in next few years... Is it loosing it's integrity in the order of persuading something bigger or better.. "

And words echoed into my ears... 

Jungle... Jungle hua karta tha.. 

Tab lakadi ka hua karta tha.. 

Ab lokhad ka ban raha hai.. 

Tab yahaan jaanwar raha karte the, 

Ab yahaan jaanwar raha karte hai.. 

Tab bade janwar choton ka shikar karte the,

Aur bache tukdon se geedadh lomdi apni zindagi guzarte the.. 

Ab bhi kuch aisa hi hai..

Too late for redemption

Road journey destination.. 

While traveling back from Delhi... I'm staring blank at this quote.. 

"You can't change the truth.. 

But the truth,

Can change you.. 

Forever... " 

How simply someone had put entire meaning of life in few mortal lifeless words... How one incident flips someone's life upside down... Yin and Yan.. 

Yes I'm drunk.. Again.. A quarter of local rum was good enough to evolve the buried corpse of a writer out of this dead pool of cold blood..

Loving someone is your fate.. Your luck... You won't say that you'll ever regret that decision... If i had the chance, I'll do it all over again... In a blink of eye without thinking twice...Because it was the most beautiful.. Unforgettable... Journey.. The first mistake of my life... It's like being hooked to a dead end... Fatal addiction.. 

When you know you're an alcoholic and your liver will give up soon if you won't stop drinking... Oops.. Bad reference.. Pretty self contradictory...let's try a new one..  Like having a smoke... You know.. This is dead end... Your lungs will give up on you soon... But you can't stop... Reminds me of one of my late relative ... He was a chain smoker... Even after knowing that he can die any moment if he won't stop smoking... He'd puff another cancer stick... Boosting the immunity of cancer cells of his lungs.. Guess he accepted his body for what it was... For what it had... He accepted the cancer cells.. He fead them smoke and tobacco and promoted their growth till the end.. 

Same goes when you're hopelessly obsessed with a dead person.. Remember the first half of ps i live you.. ? Something like that.. Well the sad part.. Just the sad part.. No pun included.. The reality is in front of you... Your friend will shook the hell out of you and slap reality on your face numerously trying to show you the practical life.. The logical truth.. You can see that whatever happened.. Happened... You can't change the ending.. Life is not a fairy tale... People are met to fall apart.. You're supposed to get over her... She's moved on.. She.. Don't even remember you... Even if someone brings up your name in front of her.. She'd give a blank clueless look...

Does it hurt? 

Like a dagger in your heart... Like a Boucher's knife with  sharp hooks is stabbed in your stomach and then twisted ... And when it's pulled out, it pulls out your bleeding intestines... And parts of your last meals spills out of your mouth, soaked in blood and smell of gutter.. 

It hurts... And no one can ease the pain... It's an alienating feeling.. And no matter what happens..you'll never ever be the same person again... 

Yes it's true.. Truth can change you... Truth does change you.. It changes you to something you hate, something monstrous.. Something below pond scum.. Something that's not alive... Something that exists but don't live.. Something that's a matter... But it doesn't matter at all.. 

And the worst thing is that even after knowing that it's killing you inside out... You're happy with the way it is.. You have accepted the cancer is at the last stage.. And it doesn't matter if you live or die.. You can light up another cigarette or gulp down another bottle because you know that death is certain.. And there's nothing that you can do about it..  It just can't get any worse.. Too late for redemption...

It's said that you should  let go the one you love.. If they come back... They're yours .. If they don't.. They were never yours... 

Fine we let them go.. Go , went,  gone.. Never come back..wipe off our memories.. They were never meant to be... Live your life.. Fall in love.. Grow old with the one you love.. Live happily ever after.. 

 But what about us? Where's the rest of the quote? Where do we go after it ends? 

Where's our salvation.. Nirvana.. ? 

Hum jeete ek baar hai.. 

Marte ek bar hai.. 

Pyar.. 

Pyar bhi shayad ek hi bar hota hai.

The end... ? 

Roots

For long,

He longs,

The loner...

The bird,

Who fly high...

Does not fall in for a small tree..

He chose the peak to be his nest..

Where he can rest... No pest... 

In the arms of sun... 

Where we thought no one can survive..

Where we thought only death is alive..

Death... Explosions.... Misery.. Pain...

No place for for life... Love or sane...

He was a saint when sane,

But now... insane.....

He took off the weight... Before he flew.. 

Was it the shoe... Taboo? Blue? 

He flew for long... And evolved through lives... He became untraceable.. Unreadable.. He became what he wanted... Invulnerable.. Impeccable.. Irresistible... 

The only regret was the loss of root... The home where he was bloomed... The touch of sensitivity...The smell of heaven... 

He forgot.. 

where he left the shoe... 

The weight ... 

Ohh the story... So true... 

Opium opinion

I don't generally get praised for my words... Maybe for the looks on the odd events or a cold ugly night where no one can see me but for my conversation skill... This one is first.. (Not first, but closest one can say) 

I suck at conversation.. At least that's what i think of myself.. But there was an interesting opinion about my communication by this lovely girl i met few days ago...

Something that i read thrice over and over just to realize that someone do have a pleasant ( it's different.. That's pleasant for me)view on me...

Goes like this.

" You have an amazingly charming personality. It is just intriguing. this sheer confidence that you have is just perfect. You have come a long way. U have worked hard to achieve this confidence. Not saying that it wasn't there, but still, you flaunt it more openly now. 

It took time. But now that you have achieved this you are happy with it. Really happy. Cause now instead of making others happy and making urself happy by making them happy, u actually try to keep urself happy on ur own terms. But the touch of sensitivity has not been lost. You are humble. This sarcastic funny guy is amazing and he is here 24/7 but the emotional sensitive side of you is a treat for sore eyes. You have evolved. From all the drama. Taught urself to be what you are today. 

You have been awesome forever. But this is a lil different, this is a realisation. the time after you have taught urself that you have been healed. But maybe you have not. But its a part of u now. You are a person who knows how to take life as a verse. You know how to talk about ur problems in sarcasm. Even i do that. Nd that is one rare quality. You have been so adorable all your life and good to people for sure, but the reciprocating has not much happened. Or you're just too modest. this dark side of yours is also the real you and the fun side as well. You balance both faces efficiently which makes you ever more charming. You're not easily ready to talk bout feelings cause you don't want to and there is no coming back soon once you do. So finding the trust and confidence to do it lacks. Cause you don't want to be dependable. You don't  try to compliment someone in the honest words. As in you don't want to make bonds. You don't  want baggage so you keep your distance by all means all the way while making them feel as if "ohh they know you so well and they mean so much to you" But you really dont wanna show the same all the time. 

You are fucking amazing with words. Basically they are orgasmic at times and you know it and are proud of it. But you won't  show.

You My love are the blend of emotions, a lil patience, a lot wildness, dark humor perfectionist...."

closest.. yes it is... 

sunday

So here am i lying on the moist and cold grass of central park... The sweet smell of moist grass is driving me mad... The calm breeze is waving my recently done pompadour...

Being a Sunday, I'm carrying a loose trashed ripped jeans with an old nike T-shirt, i wore my silver bracelet after a while and it does feel raw and rooted.

I'm staring at the biggest flags of our nation... And my head is resting on the lap of a tranquil girl..

The lingering smell of her is overshadowing the smell of grass.. Her warm lap and cozy lap is irresistible and i feel like chopping it off and take it to home with me...

She's drawn into her tab since she has a major exam for tomorrow but she do manage a couple of seconds now and then to look at me and wave a flying kiss while pouting her lips.. I respond with a sweet smile.. 

Pounding heart

You remember the moment when you think about something too deeply.
the moment when you pour your heart in the thoughts of your beloved people, when you're mellowed for a perticular person that makes you think and re-think about moments you spent with her.

I don't know the key to make someone happy. I don't know how to keep people around me, i shall talk to them, hangout with them, buy stuff for them or something else.

But sometimes i feel that if i'll put my genuine thoughts for them in words and send them like a letter it may please them. Like we used to do when post letter's were the only way to communicate and STD booths were profiting business.

Sometime, it feels good when someone writes something for you, it's not only the words but also the time and the feelings that person pour on thoughts for his beloved ones.


here's a little one i sent to this one stop solution for my life's endless misery.

"I don't know what makes you happy... I don't know the formula you've been using to laugh at every moment... But I know.. You're coping up with a guy like me and I appreciate it... Things will never be normal with me I shall warn you that... There will be days when you won't see fewer messages from me.. there will be days when you'll think I'm acting weird for no reason.. Lazy. . I'm. . I know.. but together.. things will be different. . Good different. .. like a surprise.. I can promise that... Every second will be as good as a wide angle romantic movie.. Moments of joy will always be memorable whenever we'll be around each other... You always wish that I smile like :)  not like  :/.. But let me promise that whenever I smile with you.. it'll be widest.  :D "


I've been listening one song from past few days that reminds me of my relationship i  hold with her,
"Koi mujhko yun mila hai... jaise banjaare ko ghar...."

I'm feeling alive again.

Run away coward.

they say lying isn’t the wisest thing to do….so do I...
I’ve my faith in truth, I believe the right way is sure the toughest one and reaching your destination might take a hell longer then the short cuts. As my father say’s “Nothing comes for free neither there’s any short cut to success”.

True that… but Sometimes…. In some critical situations you may have to cover up the truth. As a human species, sometimes I have anger issues. No, it has nothing to do with my “so called attitude”.  I was born with my attitude but anger was a gift from my circumstances. And when my anger comes between me and my beloved one’s I tend to leave. Yes, I run out of situation, I run away from the argument, because nothing is bigger than a relationship for me, and I know if my anger splashes out of my mouth, it is going to be a fucking acid rain. And I don’t want it. in 12^th standard my chemistry professor told me, “ Yeshu, your anger is like water, when it touches the boiling point it’s good enough to burn a human soul, but the good thing about water is that it’ temperature go back to normal easily.”  That day I realized my anger will calm down after a moment, but the words come out of my mouth will never go back to where they came from. On those moments I do make silly excuses and try to quit the situation. If that makes me coward, than be it…!

I’m not attached to the situation or the anger but only the person. Yes I feel hurt, yes I feel faithless, but I gulp up the pain in order to save the relationship I hold with the person.


 
   

Ages...

It’s not that I’ve completely moved on over my social life or my friend circle or dates,
It’s just that I don’t find it interesting anymore, I’ve seen places, I’ve done Stuff, Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing left to see in this mortal life.
Or maybe I’m so consumed with my work that I ignore the fact that even I could enjoy a drink with buddies or a fancy dinner with a girl.
A friend did said and i think she was right up to some point that I need a shock. Not like an electric shock, even if I desire one cause I’ve never had one, silly. I do need a shake, something beyond box, something beyond my limits, something beyond my thinking, something that I could dream about but never fulfill.
Or maybe they are just those expectations I had with world that were never rewarded.

One could say that I’m interested in someone or something until I’m mystified, the moment I figure out a person’s real face beneath the mask, I’m no more interested. I can relate myself to the beast that attacked on the only thing that moves in an incredible manner.
I remember that one time a girl asked me, “How can I chain up a monster like you.”
I simply answered,” Keep surprising me, and I’ll be around you even if you try to run away from me...”

Mai chala,
Chalta gya is ummeed me,
k koi rok lega kandhe pe hath rakhke,
K koi tok dega kehkar bhahut chal liye,
ruk jao yaha kuch pal tum,
Yaha hum hai mai or tum,
Yehi to manga tha tumne duaaon me,
fir kyu beh rahe ho tum hawaao me,

Phir Aankhe khuli  sab dhuaa ho gya,
Mai chala itna gum mukaam ho gya,

rahat ki chahat me aahat ko taras gaye,
Piche na aage ab rab k bhi daras gaye,
Badal  sab hare hum ashkon me baras gaye,
Tera chehra tere kisse teri bate tere lafas gaye….

  

Motives

Sometimes i think everything happens for good reasons but then i couldn't find either of good or bad reasons for my present....
I realized few people i used to call friends, had only motive to use me or my belongings for their own motives. After a brief moment i got the exact pattern they use in steps.
1. Hey buddy what's up.
Ans. Fine, what about you.
2. How have you been dude you look so dull. Lost weight or what?
Ans. I'm pretty much alright.
3. How's your entrepreneurship going?
Ans. As every starter's does, struggling stage.
4. Hey listen can i borrow your car for sometime, I've this hot date tonight and i want to make it special.
OR
Dude i need a favor, can  you lent me some money i need to pay my tuition fee.
(And i feel like yelling, you're living on your father's money in another state just because your girl lives there and lying to your father about your coaching bullshit, seriously...)

I don't mind helping someone for a good cause, if one could just come straight to the point and cutting the *i missed you* crap. If you missed me, you would've called me when i needed *you*, not what you own.

Maybe I'm the rotten one, being cheated so many times, i feel like everyone needs everyone just for favors,

Maybe I'm the fault...