Post the peak

An utterly piece of crap.. Passed on from generations to generations... Precisely the middle middle class... The whole working division of people ruled by rulers and elites and jumbled world of non exclusive non existent loathe of egoism... Plague of tart and misery... 

And in the same piece of shit hole there you find a new meaning to life... Where you find a   Person that proves you wrong against all odd... When you're stuck up on the miserable practical life of morning drill and licking off other higher positional person's arsehole.. And there she is... Smiling.. Proving you wrong... And you can't help but notice that little flower in the mud... The whole meaning of life is changed by the curve of her lips... Her breathe... So mesmerising you can feel her around the air.. You thank the almighty for giving you the air.. You both breathe in... 

Suddenly there's an instant connection between the two of you.. You fortunate piece of shit thank your pharos that you're breathing the same air she's breathing... You're under the same sky ... You share the same moist rugged asymmetrical path filled with dirt and holes and patches of water... 

Your lost part of soul is standing in front of you... The lost part of your unsolved maze..  puzzle... You take few steps and there you're...  Your lost part of life... The lost part ... You can reach the perfection... But the part needs a commitment... A promise... Honesty.. You're worth of none... You're emotionally unavailable... You've crossed the path a while ago... You've seen the result... You've seen the miserable fuck you become once other have the key to screw up with your head... Screw up your life... Bolt pain inside your skull... Play with you... 

You take a step back... You're back to the emotional unavoidability..., the barriers are up... The walls around your heart are too high.. Even the bravest one will pass on to it.. The more the climb the more your mockery will bring them down... 

You are untraceable... Impassable... Unbreakable.. You've paid the price... You've to take the infamous titles of ass... You love it... 

It's far better then breaking up again... 

And losing to someone undeserving scum on the face of earth...

Opium opinion

I don't generally get praised for my words... Maybe for the looks on the odd events or a cold ugly night where no one can see me but for my conversation skill... This one is first.. (Not first, but closest one can say) 

I suck at conversation.. At least that's what i think of myself.. But there was an interesting opinion about my communication by this lovely girl i met few days ago...

Something that i read thrice over and over just to realize that someone do have a pleasant ( it's different.. That's pleasant for me)view on me...

Goes like this.

" You have an amazingly charming personality. It is just intriguing. this sheer confidence that you have is just perfect. You have come a long way. U have worked hard to achieve this confidence. Not saying that it wasn't there, but still, you flaunt it more openly now. 

It took time. But now that you have achieved this you are happy with it. Really happy. Cause now instead of making others happy and making urself happy by making them happy, u actually try to keep urself happy on ur own terms. But the touch of sensitivity has not been lost. You are humble. This sarcastic funny guy is amazing and he is here 24/7 but the emotional sensitive side of you is a treat for sore eyes. You have evolved. From all the drama. Taught urself to be what you are today. 

You have been awesome forever. But this is a lil different, this is a realisation. the time after you have taught urself that you have been healed. But maybe you have not. But its a part of u now. You are a person who knows how to take life as a verse. You know how to talk about ur problems in sarcasm. Even i do that. Nd that is one rare quality. You have been so adorable all your life and good to people for sure, but the reciprocating has not much happened. Or you're just too modest. this dark side of yours is also the real you and the fun side as well. You balance both faces efficiently which makes you ever more charming. You're not easily ready to talk bout feelings cause you don't want to and there is no coming back soon once you do. So finding the trust and confidence to do it lacks. Cause you don't want to be dependable. You don't  try to compliment someone in the honest words. As in you don't want to make bonds. You don't  want baggage so you keep your distance by all means all the way while making them feel as if "ohh they know you so well and they mean so much to you" But you really dont wanna show the same all the time. 

You are fucking amazing with words. Basically they are orgasmic at times and you know it and are proud of it. But you won't  show.

You My love are the blend of emotions, a lil patience, a lot wildness, dark humor perfectionist...."

closest.. yes it is... 

sunday

So here am i lying on the moist and cold grass of central park... The sweet smell of moist grass is driving me mad... The calm breeze is waving my recently done pompadour...

Being a Sunday, I'm carrying a loose trashed ripped jeans with an old nike T-shirt, i wore my silver bracelet after a while and it does feel raw and rooted.

I'm staring at the biggest flags of our nation... And my head is resting on the lap of a tranquil girl..

The lingering smell of her is overshadowing the smell of grass.. Her warm lap and cozy lap is irresistible and i feel like chopping it off and take it to home with me...

She's drawn into her tab since she has a major exam for tomorrow but she do manage a couple of seconds now and then to look at me and wave a flying kiss while pouting her lips.. I respond with a sweet smile.. 

Pounding heart

You remember the moment when you think about something too deeply.
the moment when you pour your heart in the thoughts of your beloved people, when you're mellowed for a perticular person that makes you think and re-think about moments you spent with her.

I don't know the key to make someone happy. I don't know how to keep people around me, i shall talk to them, hangout with them, buy stuff for them or something else.

But sometimes i feel that if i'll put my genuine thoughts for them in words and send them like a letter it may please them. Like we used to do when post letter's were the only way to communicate and STD booths were profiting business.

Sometime, it feels good when someone writes something for you, it's not only the words but also the time and the feelings that person pour on thoughts for his beloved ones.


here's a little one i sent to this one stop solution for my life's endless misery.

"I don't know what makes you happy... I don't know the formula you've been using to laugh at every moment... But I know.. You're coping up with a guy like me and I appreciate it... Things will never be normal with me I shall warn you that... There will be days when you won't see fewer messages from me.. there will be days when you'll think I'm acting weird for no reason.. Lazy. . I'm. . I know.. but together.. things will be different. . Good different. .. like a surprise.. I can promise that... Every second will be as good as a wide angle romantic movie.. Moments of joy will always be memorable whenever we'll be around each other... You always wish that I smile like :)  not like  :/.. But let me promise that whenever I smile with you.. it'll be widest.  :D "


I've been listening one song from past few days that reminds me of my relationship i  hold with her,
"Koi mujhko yun mila hai... jaise banjaare ko ghar...."

I'm feeling alive again.

Run away coward.

they say lying isn’t the wisest thing to do….so do I...
I’ve my faith in truth, I believe the right way is sure the toughest one and reaching your destination might take a hell longer then the short cuts. As my father say’s “Nothing comes for free neither there’s any short cut to success”.

True that… but Sometimes…. In some critical situations you may have to cover up the truth. As a human species, sometimes I have anger issues. No, it has nothing to do with my “so called attitude”.  I was born with my attitude but anger was a gift from my circumstances. And when my anger comes between me and my beloved one’s I tend to leave. Yes, I run out of situation, I run away from the argument, because nothing is bigger than a relationship for me, and I know if my anger splashes out of my mouth, it is going to be a fucking acid rain. And I don’t want it. in 12^th standard my chemistry professor told me, “ Yeshu, your anger is like water, when it touches the boiling point it’s good enough to burn a human soul, but the good thing about water is that it’ temperature go back to normal easily.”  That day I realized my anger will calm down after a moment, but the words come out of my mouth will never go back to where they came from. On those moments I do make silly excuses and try to quit the situation. If that makes me coward, than be it…!

I’m not attached to the situation or the anger but only the person. Yes I feel hurt, yes I feel faithless, but I gulp up the pain in order to save the relationship I hold with the person.


 
   

Ages...

It’s not that I’ve completely moved on over my social life or my friend circle or dates,
It’s just that I don’t find it interesting anymore, I’ve seen places, I’ve done Stuff, Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing left to see in this mortal life.
Or maybe I’m so consumed with my work that I ignore the fact that even I could enjoy a drink with buddies or a fancy dinner with a girl.
A friend did said and i think she was right up to some point that I need a shock. Not like an electric shock, even if I desire one cause I’ve never had one, silly. I do need a shake, something beyond box, something beyond my limits, something beyond my thinking, something that I could dream about but never fulfill.
Or maybe they are just those expectations I had with world that were never rewarded.

One could say that I’m interested in someone or something until I’m mystified, the moment I figure out a person’s real face beneath the mask, I’m no more interested. I can relate myself to the beast that attacked on the only thing that moves in an incredible manner.
I remember that one time a girl asked me, “How can I chain up a monster like you.”
I simply answered,” Keep surprising me, and I’ll be around you even if you try to run away from me...”

Mai chala,
Chalta gya is ummeed me,
k koi rok lega kandhe pe hath rakhke,
K koi tok dega kehkar bhahut chal liye,
ruk jao yaha kuch pal tum,
Yaha hum hai mai or tum,
Yehi to manga tha tumne duaaon me,
fir kyu beh rahe ho tum hawaao me,

Phir Aankhe khuli  sab dhuaa ho gya,
Mai chala itna gum mukaam ho gya,

rahat ki chahat me aahat ko taras gaye,
Piche na aage ab rab k bhi daras gaye,
Badal  sab hare hum ashkon me baras gaye,
Tera chehra tere kisse teri bate tere lafas gaye….

  

Motives

Sometimes i think everything happens for good reasons but then i couldn't find either of good or bad reasons for my present....
I realized few people i used to call friends, had only motive to use me or my belongings for their own motives. After a brief moment i got the exact pattern they use in steps.
1. Hey buddy what's up.
Ans. Fine, what about you.
2. How have you been dude you look so dull. Lost weight or what?
Ans. I'm pretty much alright.
3. How's your entrepreneurship going?
Ans. As every starter's does, struggling stage.
4. Hey listen can i borrow your car for sometime, I've this hot date tonight and i want to make it special.
OR
Dude i need a favor, can  you lent me some money i need to pay my tuition fee.
(And i feel like yelling, you're living on your father's money in another state just because your girl lives there and lying to your father about your coaching bullshit, seriously...)

I don't mind helping someone for a good cause, if one could just come straight to the point and cutting the *i missed you* crap. If you missed me, you would've called me when i needed *you*, not what you own.

Maybe I'm the rotten one, being cheated so many times, i feel like everyone needs everyone just for favors,

Maybe I'm the fault...