Diffusion

There are certain prospective by which a person is partitioned or diffused in plenty of personalities. Views which categorize one into many. Although I’ve never gave much of a thought about it as it would be a squander of time for anyone, still as an explorer or by simple curiosity I would try to figure out how exactly I fill the spaces of others lives.

As they says “if you have to judge peoples, step into their shoes”, I am not judging but building my own image in other’s mind. How exactly I appear to others.

MY PARENTS:

Although my parents have a certain level of understanding with each other, as per I see their view toward me partially differs.

There’s no second thought about me being much closer to my father emotionally, I am dependent on both of them entirely.  I feel a bit gloomy over my existence that I didn’t came up to their expectations, though I never sense this in their words or behavior towards me but I am certain that they would have been much happier if I would have made an impact on rest. They don’t disclose but are bothered by my motionless social life. I accept the fact that I am sort of an anti social person. Speak less or nothing in front of the rest of family tree or the substantially chain of relatives. At some point they do hate the cynic in me. I can’t blame the isolated upbringing in an air force campus since my sister had been through same life style and she turned out to be a great socialite, I envy her for that. Since childhood I have been a “in shell” person, but that doesn’t make me a hard core rebellious.  I share joyous moment with my parents and always will.

MY FRIENDS:

I do support a petite friend circle that has the faithful and honest mortals, it might sound cheesy but I am proud of those few peoples. It does used to be a gargantuan circle in the school days and the initials of college, but don’t know how, don’t know why the size kept reducing and reached the mighty end of extinction, it seems true when people says "your friends changes with your priorities", through time maybe i fell on the bottom of their priority list and one day i was drained out of it. I guess the prime reasons were my sensible nature and cynical philosophy. A person hurts me and expect me to get over it easily is a rare likelihood. i don’t forgive neither forget, cause I am a mortal creature, I am not  god. 

According to the guys, I am a brat (I think so) seeing as they have always felt my presence more admired in the girls, yes I am avoiding any female interaction in my present as it doesn’t have anything fresh or amusing character in it and yet I am fed up with these part time thingies. Except for one, BUT, I am too smart to ask her out on the intuition of her breaking up the pleasant bond with me. We will discuss it briefly on the right occasion.  

Some of them think I have the potential to become an achiever and some think I have an inherited stock of opportunities through what I will make a bright future easily. I don’t know where they come from, yes I have a father who runs an IT business and I might expand his work but it will need my own skills and hard labor.

According to the girls/ friends of my social hub, I don’t know, I am just gambling over my words that they  might think of me as the mad party popper, many of them wondered I didn’t had a big birthday bash at a club with showering booze, gang bangs, and pretty faces. Well let me disclose that I didn’t have any of those, I was on a bike ride with one of my friend from school and ended up at a small gathering with few old pals and had a bowl of Maggie.

MY EX:

Where did those came from?  I would have written about my current mate but there isn’t any so let it be the past. I don’t know what ended my past relationships, was it me, them or both equally. Though I don’t give a damn about my ex, I still yarn for past sometimes. I guess, most of them would have given up on me by few misunderstandings or the interaction with other girls might have threatened them. Yes, I can get possessive but I guess possession comes from the affection only. Is that wrong? I need an answer for it which I never got. I gave space, as much as we are living on different planets but if even that isn’t enough we better be strangers then lovers. At least it won’t hurt me.

I remember one girl said to me “you don’t understand”, I didn’t said it then but now I just have a question for her, if my understanding wasn’t deep enough or my intellectual level was that shallow, why did you fall for me at the first place?      

THE CROWD:

Well these are the peoples that mattered not much but at a neutralized level. My concern had never been what they might think about me, for me they are just a bit less known faces that I can’t put my trust in. I greet them with a dimply smile, I spend time with them on momentary bases, but I am really unable to open or let my guards off in front of them.

That might create a bad reflection of mine and why won’t, I am responsible.

 Long story short, crowd sees me as a rude egoistic self-centered mean fellow,

I don’t care,
 never did,

Never will…..


Am I leaving anything? FOES?

For the record I do have some annoying rivals as well. It’s human nature. You can’t like or dislike everyone, so is with me, some guys’ gets on my nerve whenever I have an encounter with them. Whether it’s the bangbang episode or the ditching friends, some people aren’t meant to be a good companion with you.