Struggle or die

I've heart this quote repeatedly over several occasions & in different arrangement of words that, you got to move on.

Is accepting things, a part of moving on? I don't know but it appears like it.
"Let go the struggle,
Don't fight,
Accept the way things are,
Be happy with whatever it is."

What if these lines are preached to a ongoing rape victim, or someone who's getting kidnapped, or a guy appearing for some crucial exam. I don't think so.

Imagine a scene, a painter is creating his master piece. Now pick one thing or person out of this scene, dead or alive, The painter, his brush, the colours, or the masterpiece itself. Which one did you choose? Remember the thing you pick is you.

If you choose the masterpiece,
Congratulations, you're a magnificent picture.
But what's next for you? Even The Mona Lisa is just hung at Louvre museum. Nonchalant, immobile & pretty much dead.

If you choose the brush or the paint,
It would be a good choice, & Maybe you have a slight more lifespan the painting itself. But the same question goes for you this time, what's next for you? Trash would be the right destination in most of the cases unless the Painter is maniac.

How about being a little more creative in selecting & choosing the stool on which painter sits while painting? Well in terms of lifespan the stool could outrun everyone, but what fate do we have for it? The stool has to face and kiss the warm behind of the painter forever. No promotions, not being your own boss( who am i kidding, you seen, a stool sitting on a person?).

If you want to live the longest you would have chosen the stool but how does it defines you? You'll do what you're born for, what you're told to, and as long as you serve your master by being a comfort for their ass, you live. The day you raise a Nail being a rebel to the authority, you'll be terminated for violence.

The first choice comes the last here, the obvious, and the most alive of all of them,
The painter.
There is hope, possibility, optimism of setting new records. No one will ever tell a painter to accept things the way they are, specially not their manager after the painter tastes success. Yes there would be a long chain of  camaraderie, people coaxing them to say a few words, girls wanting to taste some of the famous ink, yet it won't last, unless there's more to offer.

If you think about it, every non-living choice you made had that docile quality about them. The painter otherwise, had struggle. Only 1% of painters in the world are recognised today, rest of them are graphics designer. ( Pun intended).
We've progressed a lot from our caveman predecessors. They had a low mortality, struggled everyday for food & shelter. For them it was struggle or die. Bingo, exactly that's how it should be right now. Struggle or die. Accepting the circumstances means you're dead or will die sooner or later.

In life, if you're not seeing enough struggle, you're not going anywhere. Take me for an example, i lost the most precious contact i had with another human, & no Matter how much i try, how many dead contacts i dial again, i wouldn't find that one person without whom life is not so much the way it was earlier. But will it stop me? It's trying but nay, i won't give in, I'll be out there, keeping my pride. Searching for new possibilities, settings new records, because that's the whole point of living.

Toxic Relationship Patterns

While surfing through the net, i i stumbled upon a study that claims 80% of people end up recreating the relationships they've grown up in. For example, a child surrounded by domestic violence, is highly prone to becoming a violent person in a relationship or is attracted towards getting into a relationship with a physically violent person.

The study made me think whether my previous relationships are a classic example of such toxic Relationships. The despair and coldness between my parents while i was a child could be suggestive of how easily i could turn callous or numb to the emotions involved in my own life.

Drinking has always been a family issue and we've been affected dramatically because of it. Knowing that, i don't shy away from few pegs of single malt once a week, does it mean I'm going down as well?

My last relationship was beautiful and i didn't want anything but to be with her for the last three years. we were close and it was truly magical. I'm scared that I'll ever find something like that ever again. I'm scared that I truly ran out of that, that kind of emotional availability.

So, the obvious choice I'm left with here is to stay off any substantial knots. Maybe that explains my fear of getting hitched as on the back of my head I'm prepared for it to collapse.
Yeah,
I'm better off these strings, better alone than ruin more lives.

Current On Current Gone

It has occurred to me that after all peaks and falls, when time came to relishing, there's was a scarce number of people i could enjoy with. As i write this post out of boredom, i sensed that maybe, maybe it's time to accepting the real me.
I stopped writing about my life, as a promise i made to my girlfriend back then. She asked me that it hurt her to see my words pouring out for another girls and that she couldn't come to terms with the way i used to elaborate & express the aura those people created. It was logical, as this blog have became my journal, which is supposed to be kept to myself as an individual like to keep a personal diary. There are bits and pieces of intimate details and in depth affairs i had in past, wow, i should've deleted the blog.

Coming to the present, after years of struggle and fighting destiny, i cracked a government job's exam, Now I'm a CA in the state's electricity board. I had to work odd jobs, and the last one was where i was working as a creative writer (i miss that job). The present is not dull but I'd say  slightly meaningless, i don't have anything to fight for, there's no love interest, not a aim, a bullseye. Today i get up, drink my way to the dawn and sleep.

I have to find something or someone i could devour, someone i could read, something i feel passionate for, something that triggers an explosion of creative juices inside me. I'm looking for a fire that burns and entice me at the same point. An old soul suggested, patience is the only weapon left in my armoury but I'll steer clear of that as patience only makes you inactive.
It's time to step up.
Game on bitches.

Roots of buddha

We all know Gautam Buddha is the founder ofthe Buddhism religion. But few of us know where he came from. People have been relating Buddhism to east asia but to their surprise, Buddha has been born and raised in lumbini nepal.

Birth
Gautam Buddha was born in the sakya clan which was a kshatriya clan in the year 563 BC on the auspices day of vaisakhi purnima in a district named Rumminindehi near by lumbini, Nepal.

His father who's name was Suddhodhana was the king of kapilavastu and mother was Mahamaya (princess of kollia)

Most of the scholars believe that his mother died 7 days after his birth from reason unknown and later on Buddha was raised by his step mother and aunt Gautami.

Marriage and children
Much young to today's world, Buddha was married at an age of 16 years which was appropriate to that era. He was married to Yasodhara (princess of Shakya clan) with whom he had a son named, Rahul. It must come as a surprise to many hindu families who name their son Rahul, that the name is actually a Buddhist name.
Although Buddha had everything a millennial could wish for, he wasn't happy and that's what was making his life gloomy and miserable.

It's a common rumour that his father was told by an astrologer that Gautam is highly impressionable and is potent to lead a life of an ascetic, this is why he was bought up in a much happier place where his reach to outer world was limited.

It's ironic that Buddha who's followers are around the world and is known for his peaceful ways of treating every sorrow of life, was actually from a kshatriya clan. 
In a country obsessed with religion, temples  and godmans. Buddha will always be known as "the enlightened one" 

Shiro the life saver

It was a hot afternoon and i was just returning from an excruciating session of science class from my coaching institute. As i approached toward the road to my home i saw a weak puppy, barely 20 days old, malnutritioned, abandoned, hardly able to stand on her feets, probably orphaned because i did not see any sign of her parents anywhere, i waited for an hour there while i was feeding her stuff from my lunchbox. She was hungry for sure because she gulped down entire parathas in barely 30 second.

Time passed by and there was no sign of anyone, already unemployed and a burden on my parents, i decided to take her home without thinking about the consequences. To my surprise my parents let me keep her on the condition that i have to let her go when she's able to stand on her feets.
And that was it, Shiro became part of our life on that day and has been ever since. Seeing her grow up was like seeing your own child grow, she have this utterly cute habit of eating from my hand when she's unwell or moody. She has every tantrum of a Diva and is fairly feminine in her ways.
I did not even know her gender until the vet confirmed that she's a girl.
Yes i have let her out of my sight and walk freely on road because as promised to my parents i have to let her go, it was hard on me as she's been there when i needed someone to just simply being there.

A few days ago she came home staggering and weaker then ever, she refused to eat anything and was just drinking water. A lady nearby conformed that she saw her pooping blood and i got very anxious and worried for her. My dad took our car to his work and i had no one who could help me take her to a vet, i took some neighborhood help and we took her to a vet. Sadly the vet told us she has contracted parvo virus.
To guys who do not know what parvo is, it is a terrible virus that attacks immune system of your pets and leave their intestines bleeding, there's too much diarrhea, vomiting and dehydration. 90% dogs who contract parvo do not survive. You need to take the dog immediately to vet and get her on fluids transfer process in which they use drips to help with the dehydration as the pet won't eat or drink otherwise.

Shiro was put on IV bags and there was constant excretion of blood, she just couldn't hold any liquid, it was a killing moment for me because i already lost a pet to the parvo and couldn't even imagine going through the same again. The same process was repeated for the next few days, she was injected with so many drugs, her eyes were sunk in, her skin lost all the shine and felt like a shrinking dry leather.

Thanks to the great support by the vet and my parents Shiro survived and i couldn't be more happier. It looked like we saved her but she have been my saviour from the day she came to my life. I feel blessed to have someone like her in my life.

Forced Adhar card ?

"Amongst other queues the mango people are prone to follow for their government related work, the Aadhar card wins the race of being the most obnoxiously difficult job to do.

Yes, the law says it's not a mandatory and we're free to have it or not but the strings that are attached to other highly important jobs coarse you into having one.

It was yet another day for my regular family to ask me to do the irregular house chorus which i would happily do otherwise, irked me as i have my ssc exam coming up and yes every minute must be absorbed with high enlightenment on Indian history, world history, geography, algorithms, theorems, deduction of lucid and Mendel's laws of genetics and the thread goes on to learning n types of idioms.

As the man who wears the pants ordered me to do what my mother asked me to do, "to make her a aadhar card as she can't get a sim by her voter's id because the voter's has her old address on it.", i can't argue with my bread and butter can i? And it's already been 2 years since I've left my last job In pursuit of a government job but that ship is yet to sail, i guess it's bolted to the deck. The importance of studies diminishes everyday for my parents as results are adverse 9/10 times.

So i took my mother to the closest e-mitra where the man said the software which loads the data is not working and i have to agree with the technical jargons as I'm a certified cs engineer, i have to know everything. Not to worry we went to another e-mitra which by the way was 5 kms away, and to my surprise, the guy there said modi ji changed policies and now only few selected banks have the authority to make Aadhar card.

Wow, am i dumb or the last guy i met fooled me with the software story, and let me remind you once again, we're on the road from last two hours because my 50 year old mother can't get a sim under her own name because she doesn't have Adhar card. 

None the less we went to the selected bank which was yet another 10 kms away and already feeling dejected the man in charge said it was his time to go home. (4 pm mind you, no wonder lakhs of people want a government job) 

For the next three days we struggled with daily up down of 50-60 kms to get my mother her Adhar. One day it was lunch time when we reached there, the next day their software crashed and the next day they couldn't take more than 10 forms. Yes finally our form got accepted. You might be wondering why i didn't apply online for the Adhar, well A, you need the ratina scanner and fingerprints scanner  to create  the Adhar first time and B, year back i applied for updation of Adhar on the online portal which got rejected three times due to mismatched documents. The same documents got accepted when i took them to an e mitra. 

This is current model of employment by the government. Tughlaq made 5 mistakes and is known as intelligent fool, indian government makes the same schemes, and ordinary men becomes fool... ""

About me

Hey there,

My name is Yogesh saini and Agerange.blogspot.com is my brainchild.
Writing about myself feels like blowing my own trumpet but i will try to encapsulate my existence in few words.

Education and experience
I've completed my Engineering in Computer and science from Rajasthan technical university in the year 2014. Later on i worked in a corporate firm as a project head. My work used to be handling turnkey projects of IT, security and automation. I worked with highly prestigious institutions like Manipal university,
Narayana hrudayala and so many more.
Sadly the company shut down and so did my interest in being a corporate, i worked at an mnc, Teleperformance for an year but could'nt survive the rotational night shifts and time bound slave culture, although i learned a lot about US culture and technology they use but by that time the seed of joining the Indian government was sown in me.
I left that job and have been studying ever since, the dream is a tease but my will is concrete as well.

Things I'm enthusiastic for.
Apart from writing, I've always been fond of other living beings. I've been blessed with companions like birds, fishes, dogs (ohh so many) and a plethora numbers of plants.
I've petted german shepherds, pugs, Pomeranians and a lot of indian periah dogs.
I stopped petting birds and fishes as i believe they're best left in their natural habitat.
Apart from animals I love gardening, horticulture has been part of my family for more then 5 generations and I've been planting plants since forever.

Being a blogger
Wow that goes back to the early 2000s when i was studying in 7th standard, i won a poem writing competition and that was the trigger for my writing hand and it never stopped.
I've been writing journals,poems, social articles, autobiographys and what not. To deliver the craft i joined blogger in 2012 and yes that's pretty much all.