Drunken Witch

Since I have to manage a 75% attendance in my college, I started attending it on a habitual basis. This is another hurdle for me to write regularly. 

As I remember, It was a weekend night when I was certainly tired from my burden of college, work out and some other stuff. I took my dinner at 10 and popped out a zinc capsule right after it, I checked few notifications on facebook   and after sometime I started yawning, my dizzy drowsy eyes signaled me to go to sleep. 

Around 10 minutes later when I was about to fall in a random dream site my freaking cell phone beeped for a text, I hated my cell more than anything at that moment, I ignored first beep and went back to sleep, after 2 minutes it beeped again and I unnoticed it that time as well. My cell started to ring and I finally I burst out and picked it up, it was an unknown caller and the moment I shouted “who’s this?” the call was disconnected. So finally someone was able to detach me from my sweet sleep, by a feeling of a little curiosity I checked my last inbox messages, that was an class mate of mine with whom I went for an industrial training in another town.

“I am fed up with these bitching gossips in our college,

who the fuck has been spreading these rumors of us being a couple?

 Please tell me because I am on the verge of breaking down,

I am going nuts by these cheap noises congesting me whenever I walk around the campus,

I quitted smoking on your request Yeshu, but I apologize,  I can’t hold it anymore….”

it was a mixed content of emotional and abusive words  that I can’t put on the blog or have any desire to think about them…

my mind said just a sentence

“Congratulation miss Amy, your mission to ruin my night has been accomplished successfully ”

Sleep left my eyes again, I thought to text her back but that would be a difficult task for me to put it in enough words that how I was feeling at that moment, So I called her up, as expected the call went unanswered, not once but thrice. That was a sign for me to stop responding to any of her actions because she was asleep or drunk at that moment, I tuned into some songs to loosen up a bit and tried to sleep again but BANG, she happened again. 

She: hey! Hi… 

Me: Say?

She: You know what, I was umm (humming umm for 5 sec) driving my car at that moment, that’s why I didn’t pick up your call at that moment. 

Me: you live in a girls hostel Amy.

She:  I know that very well, actually I was flying kites that why I didn’t pick up your call.

Me: At 12 of the night?

She: umm hmm… (She agreed that she was flying kites at 12 of the night? My first assumption of her being drunk was true, I realized) 

Me: Okay than go back to sleep now, it’s getting late and we have a big day tomorrow, you forgot we have to give a presentation on the tourism website that we worked on, we will discuss everything tomorrow, okay?

(I just tried to make her forget about everything she texted me)

She: I am drunk, not fool okay? Tomorrow is Sunday.

(Well she was both, drunk as well as fool but not as much as I thought)

me: how much did you had Amy?

She: just a quarter of vodka.

ME: And?

She:  and a few shots of tequila, that’s it…!

(THAT’S IT? She was higher than her kites did)  

Me: okay now what do you want to talk about?

She: I was just thinking….

me: yes?

She: let me think first.( she shouted)

Me: okay okay…!

She: let’s start dating each other?

(I didn’t believe what she just said. She was completely out of her mind and so was I by her words)

Me: I don’t have any wish to date you Amy. I have never felt anything for you but a warm bond of friendship,

 good night and try to sleep.

She: Stop, don’t hang up on me, please. It’s just that I feel somewhat unaccompanied these days, my last boyfriend left me, my roomies hates me and living is unfair for me by now...

Me: It happens with everyone, its rule of life, you have to deal with it Amy, life is like this, things happen, you lose you win, life isn't a piece of cake.

She: utterly agreed. So am I not attractive enough or anything else? I mean, why don’t you give us a try? A try is harmless, isn't it?

Me: (laughed) try??? Are you kidding me? TRY?   

She: nope I am serious!

(I felt a bit sober tone in her voice)

Me: It’s my life and I play it with my rules. None of them says “date for a try” and I am really sleepy now    , drowsiness is all over my head so please, if you don’t mind..!

 I didn't said a bit after that but just hung up the call, first she said she is angry over rumors of us being called a couple  than she said she wants to date me than she sings the lonely song and then again date trap, that proves drunk girls are much more knottier  then ordinary one’s. The whole conversation was just awkward. 

I flushed down everything she said and went back to sleep,
 guess that night was just a misfortune for me.

The dreamer

I woke up in mid of night in a flash of seconds, it felt like a beam of current went through my body and I was sweating all over from head to toe, my body temperature was raised by few degrees, I checked the air conditioner to see if it’s working or not, to my surprise it was working utterly fine. I clicked my cell and it was 5 am in morning…

what just happened was an unknown mystery to me, Just a bad dream or something else?

I was unable to sleep for an hour after that incident, I popped up an aspirin and tried to sleep but it failed to help…

Eventually after sometime I went back to sleep but I didn’t went college for the next day because I was feeling an extreme tiredness, I wonder if my dream had anything to do with it.

If it was a regular dream I would have forgotten it the moment I came back from my senses but I remember every moment of it…

I was walking on a road in mid of a giant lawn which leaded to a white fort. The fort was quite aged that I could tell from the creamy layer that covered it entirely. There were plenty of vintage as well as modern vehicles parked outside of it. I knew that place somehow I knew each and every person in that place, I can’t make a sense out of it now but I did know it well while I was there. It belonged to me.

There were ancient marble benches on the both sides of the gate on which I found a girl sitting or I say waiting for someone, the more I went closer to her the more her face became familiar. I realized that she was my ex girl friend. But what was she doing there? I was shocked to see her. She came to apologize about everything she did to me and tried to explain briefly for her actions in past. I don’t remember what exactly she said or what I heard but I was convinced with her reasons…

As she came to that fort for the first time she requested me to give her a tour of that place. We walked through the stairs to the terrace, we roamed in the wet grass in the lawn and we sat on the same bench for hours.

She insisted to have a ride on one of the vehicles parked there so I took her to the parking to choose one. She pointed out a black Royal Enfield and was keen to have a ride on that bike. There was a care taker sitting on a chair besides all those vehicles that came in a pace to me and passed me the keys for the bike.

 I ignited the engine while she sat on my back holding my shoulder. I don’t remember anything about where we went by then, it was like a scene changed for me and I found myself in a garden sitting under a tree’s shed with her. We didn’t talk but just kept looking in each other’s eyes, I was immersed in her bottomless eyes and found peace in it.

You just can’t imagine how and when things change in a dream, when I looked away for a sec and saw her again, she was a different person, a dissimilar girl, a completely opposed girl, and I jumped off that place and screamed who are you? How did you come here? Where did she go?

And the girl was sitting extremely calm, she just acted like there was no one but her in that place, she gave a sarcastic smile and stood on her place…

I just turned around and tried to ran away from her, it was like I was running in full throttle but still didn’t moved a bit further from the place I was standing on…

she did nothing but smiled…

her smile frightened me to the hell, her being was killing me, I just wanted to elope from that place but I was helpless…

A track was being echoed in whole place…

If this world is wearing thin

And you're thinking of escape

I'll go anywhere with you

Just wrap me up in chains

But if you try to go alone

Don't think I'll understand

Stay with me

Stay with me…

Speech Less

It has been few days since I posted my story on my blog. it has been viewed by few readers, Though  I was expecting more readers but it doesn’t matter much as far as people like what I put into my work, I felt most satisfied last night when a close friend of mine appreciated what I have written, it’s not that I haven’t been wished praised for my words before, not much but few did liked what I write and encouraged me to write more  but I felt amazed by her words more than anyone else, her each compliment made my smile grew wider and wider,
 she just took sleepiness out of my eyes with her words, I was just unable to sleep later on that time and obviously, who can sleep with his eye balls pointing at a wall and lips stretched twice to their size. That resulted in a late night to bed and a day dropped from college, I know it’s unrealistic but yes that’s what happened to me.  

Certainly there is a reason for everything in life and so is for my writing. I am unable to express my feelings in person, I just lacks in communication and I can’t help it, words are in my head but they are too slow to drive out through my mouth, and when words come out, either I am alone or I am writing them on Microsoft word .I know what I feel but I can’t put it in words in front of someone, feelings just stays deep down in my heart, my mind. It doesn’t happens only when I am with strangers but with known  too, sometime I just want  people around me to understand what I want to say.

Sorrow runs in my soul for my silence, I feel incomplete, I don’t know that the bridge of my personality that lacks in communication skill can be complete with my words on a piece of paper.

She called me the king of words but in real I am the beggar,
I just don’t have enough words to write what I desire to speak...

Let the world know about us

I will be with you till life exist
I will be with you till I exist

I never liked being in an hospital neither As a visitor nor as patient, I used to hold my breath whenever  I saw a sick patient thinking I might catch the dieses he have. But this time, it was different, I was worried for  my shone  more than anything on this world, I was already late and the chemo session was half way done. I waited for 4 to 5 hours until she came out of therapy room. She was dull, for a moment I couldn’t recognize my Sakshi. She was looking twice her age, her long hairs were gone, her skin was pale yellow, and her eyes were looking like she hasn’t closed them from years. I was unable to bare her condition, I just stood up in a moment and went away making an excuse for water, I sipped few drops of water and washed a lot from my eyes.

As I went inside her room, our eyes met after two years, she stayed silent  neither I could spoke a word, I realized that she didn’t wanted me to know anything about her that time, still she gave words to the unnamed feelings in our hearts and spoke with a mild emotional touch. Hey sissy girl. Are you done with your daily soap drama?
 I didn’t said a word, I wasn’t in mood of cracking jokes at that time. we saw each other after two whole years and the first thing she said was a comment?  without giving attention to what she said I went straight to her bed, pushed her a little aside and lied beside her and said :
 if I was a girl than we would have been lesbians.
She gave me a week smile and even I tried to laugh at my own joke.
 But we both knew we were faking it.
Sakshi said: how did you found out where am I?
me: I know someone who know someone who know someone,  you know how these things work.
Sakshi:  I am serious Yeshu.
Me: I tried to call you for last time, you never picked up my call after you left school still I tried for the last time because I wanted to share something with you.
Sakshi: and what was that?
Me: I got into an engineering college.
Sakshi: That’s wonderful news boy, you cracked into engineering, that’s great!
Me: (ignoring her wishes) No that’s not!
 Your maid picked up that call and told me everything.

The room was filled with a silence of graveyard.
No one has ever imagined that the sweetest girl in 10^th c, who has never harmed anyone ever in her life, will get sick dieses like cancer. Why does that happened god? Politicians, terrorists, people who kill peoples for no reasons and ruins their lives must get cancer, not someone who build and give reasons to other’s life,   I cursed god for the first time in my life.
Finally she said
Sakshi: ok drama over now get me some papaya shake I am starving badly…!
Me: sure I’ll just ring the nurse from this landline.
Sakshi: can’t you get me one from outside? Canteen juice sucks.
I didn’t wanted to leave her that time I wanted to hold every moment inside me forever I wanted to capture each expression each word of her for forever at the same time I wanted her to feed something, she had lost a lot of weight so I had to get her everything she asks for.
Me: I’ll be back in a minute.
I went to buy a shake for her outside the hospital, it was a huge crowd in the juice parlor since everyone wanted fresh juice for their relatives, Somehow I managed to make my way into that crowd and bought  six shakes and juices of different fruits, I wanted her to feel fully energized. i came up with all juices packed in a polythene. When I was at the door of her room I saw her wiping her face with a napkin. Trying to cope up with situation I said: I think we should cut the TV connection in this room, you are seeing a lot of daily soap these days, and you must be the biggest reason for increasing TRP of Ekta’s serials.
Sakshi said: it’s not TV I was crying.
She said those words with a week smile on her lips. that’s not fair, at one time she scolded me for having tears in my eyes and right after that she starts to cry and i couldn’t turn her happy again, I couldn’t control  my emotions at that moment and started crying. Her father was sitting outside the room, he saw me and then Sakshi,
Sakshi saw her dad and screamed with tears in her eyes: please get him out of this room, I don’t want to see him or anyone by now…!!!
Her dad grabbed my arm and started walking away from Sakshi. I resisted but couldn’t do much at that time.
He said: look boy… I know you have a soft spot for Sakshi , but you can’t give up like that, it will affect her health and I won’t let that happen to my daughter.
“Stay tough or stay away from my daughter.”

I nodded. I didn’t wanted to argue with her dad that time, it was tough time for him as well, sakshi was his only daughter and he loved her more than anyone. I returned home at 6 am. My mother could see it on my face, she asked plenty of questions to which I had only one answer.
“ sakshi has cancer”
I closed the door of my room, I didn’t bothered about changing or even removing my shoes, I lied down on bed and went in deep memories I had with sakshi.
parents entered room inquiring more about sakshi and requested me to eat something cause I already  skipped breakfast that morning and didn’t ate anything in whole day.
 I am sleepy, please close the door.
dad: but son at least change  your cloths.
me: I will, just let me sleep now.
 They left my room and I went in her thoughts again.


 I came back to hospital next day with a huge red rose bouquet and some dark chocolate’s, I thought it might cool her down from yesterday’s matter.
I entered her room with a big smile.
Sakshi:  Who are you?
me: how can you forget me, my moon? Have you forgotten the days and nights we have spend with each other how can you forget about our son waiting for you to come back to home??
Everyone in that room laughed including sakshi’s mother who never smiled after sakshi’s illness.
Sakshi: you know very well how to impress a girl don’t you?
Me: of course. I am a pro.
We both laughed again and I placed the bouquet and chocolates on the nearest table and sat on the nearest chair to her bed without fearing her father.

If it was a normal day her father would have smashed my head in the very nearest wall but he didn’t did it than, her parents went out of room and left us alone.
Me:  I have another thing for you.
Sakshi : oh!  Great and what’s that?

Me: it’s something I have written about us.
Sakshi: I always knew you will write but I didn’t knew you will write about us.
(Her cheeks showed a little pink shine)
what are you waiting for? Read it for me.

I started reading

 10^th standard was all about late night movies, bunking classes and eating samosa’s at school canteen. it was my alternate day’s issue with teachers that  whenever I entered class I was humiliated first then directed to my bench for coming late, though I was good at making excuses but every teacher didn’t fell for what I say, aasha ma’am was one of those.
When I entered class that morning I knew I was about to serve some poisonous words by aasha ma’am with an innovative way of punishing. Ma’am: sit beside Sakshi, she’s new in our class and tell her about the history of our school as well as introduce her to everyone.
She said those words like I as I was the founder of school and I knew every bit of detail of our school.
well there she was, roll no 24,first bencher , four eyed geek…
as I sat beside her she placed her bag in between us  and I was thinking “she thinks I’m going to bite her, what am I, a vampire or what, bloody book worms”

Sakshi interrupted me in middle of reading and said:  geek? Book worm? Nice thoughts about the girl you love Mr. Yeshu.
I smiled a bit and said : well that’s what happened soniyo… bitter truth, swallow it..! (And gave a wide smile)
Sakshi(while laughing): ok ok.. Continue now.

(Reading continue)
    I kept silent while the class went on from this to that period. To kill time, I started drawing Sakshi’s picture on the last page of a note book (don’t ask me why, I just found her interesting) as I was busy in my master piece, Sakshi tabbed  me on my shoulder and said ”it’s not round glass, make it rectangular” what did she said? Is she new in class or me ? I am the one who is supposed to start the conversation not her.
Anyway I looked at her eyes to recheck her glasses, yes, the glasses were rectangular,
 but her eyes were spectacular.
I starred her for a minute or so and then said: ohh sorry I wasn’t drawing you it was just girl I saw outside the class. She laughed and said: I know everything ok? I am Sakshi and you?
  I thought she’d have started screaming at that time but that was a surprising reply.
I said slowly: I am Yeshu.
Sakshi: okay so are you properly from jaipur or somewhere else.
me: I am from jaipur basically but I didn’t lived here from my birth since  my father was in air force and they have posting system so we had to shift in between states.
but after an early retirement of my father we have been living with the rest of our family.

As I finished with my answer she was already ready with another rapid fire question, she asked me about my family, my father’s profession and many other things. She said those things in such tone like she was interrogating me about national security.
she went on speaking and speaking and speaking but  She seemed a nice girl to me, she was transparent from her heart.

We became friends at first then good friends then best buddies that can’t live without spending time together. Time flew like a time machine whenever I was with her, the best thing of our friendship was I never had to speak much as she  knew everything on my mind and I loved that. Sakshi did a lot for me that I can never repay her back, she helped me a lot with my studies, she helped me maintaining my schedule of sleeping and eating, I found a miniature of my mother in her.  I remember

 One day I  was hungry because I didn’t bought  my  Tiffin as my mother was sick. Sakshi offered me her Tiffin , it might be casual for everyone but for me no one ever had offered me a bite of their lunch, maybe because I always preferred  canteen’s  samosa   over friend’s lunch box . But this time couldn’t decline those innocent eyes.

 she used to do a eye thing often, it was like an illusion trap for me, I just couldn’t resist it. Well the lunch box was over and we both end up starving for more cause that lunch was made only for one person. So we planned to bunk the next lecture and visit our canteen, I didn’t cared for what she liked and bought 2 samosas . 

 Sakshi:  I don’t like samosa, I want a burger.

I checked my pocket and I had only few change remained. Samosa was about 5 bucks and burger was an English junk item for us that time, obviously it was costly then samosa. Leaving me with no choice I went to counter and gave up those samosas,  added 5 bucks from my pocket and  bought her a burger. Looking at her smile when she saw that burger in my hand was worth a lot for me. I felt no more hunger in my stomach that time, I felt, satisfied. While enjoying her burger she said where is your burger?

I didn’t want to ruin her smile and said  I already ate it at the counter.

 On which she said “ bloody fatso, couldn’t you wait for a minute for me? “ I didn’t said a word then but just enjoyed moments with her. She wasn’t hungry because she had burger and neither did I because I had her.

The bun that kills hunger is known as burger, I learned it that day. 

SHE INTRUPTED AGAIN, This time without her words but her tears, it wasn’t a big deal even she would have done the same thing for me.

I wiped her tears and said : shall I continue or read the rest tomorrow?

Sakshi: I don’t know how much time is left with me and I am uncertain on every upcoming moment so please read it all…

my dried eyes were wet again by what she said. Somehow I continued.

On the last day of our final exams we planned for a trip to a nearby park, as I walked out of exam hall I saw her standing on the corner of the bike stand hiding her face from the crowd. As I walked few more steps towards her I realized she had started moving away from me. I ran and grabbed her from back and turned her toward me.  She was in tears. She could hardly breathe at  that moment. I don’t know what came into my head I pulled her toward me and pushed  her head on  my chest. She kept sobbing and I kept waving my hand in her hairs. Words were no more necessary to convey our feelings.

Me: are you okay?

Sakshi: I screwed this one badly.

Me: don’t worry . You’ll do well. At least more than me.

(She knew I was an average student)

Sakshi: stop it Yeshu.(with a light smile)

and punched me softly with her elbow.

     

We didn’t spoke a word of exam while sitting in park. I lied on the grass while Sakshi was sitting and listening to some tracks on my small radio. While taking about casual things my eyes went sleepy cause I didn’t slept for whole night before that exam. Sakshi noticed a small diary  slipping out of my bag. It was my personal diary, and there was only one page filled up on it.

Dear diary,

What is Sakshi doing to me? I know I am selfish for the world but when it comes to her why am I eager to sacrifice my eternity? Every time I see her, I feel like I have a reason to be alive, heart beats faster than it does, hands desires to touch her, everything else just disappear in front of her. If she won’t wear glasses , Even god might hypnotize by  the innocence and deepness of her eyes .Her eyes her smile her hairs her lips everything about her is so special that I never had seen before. I have been friends with girls before , but  what makes her different from the rest? Why do I feel so protective about her? Why do I feel like ripping apart every boy she talks to?

Why do I feel life is too small to spend with her.???

I am lonely in this crowd of greed,

It’s like an empty house,

Like a life with no lead,

And there she is, with a spring believe

I just want to be,

The one she need…

I wish she’ll see, 
what I feel, I see
I wish she’ll breathe, 
same air I breathe

I wish she’ll feel same way for me, 
I wish she’ll want to be,
the one I need... 

Sakshi closed the diary and put it back into my bag. She had tears in her eyes. She removed her glasses wiped her tears off and a fresh smile came on her face. Sakshi woke me up after few minutes and said it’s getting late we must be going to our home by now. She didn’t said a word about diary. Without knowing a thing about what just happened? I yawn and dusted the grass off my trouser, I reached home and slept back on my bed.

It was summer break by then, Sakshi and I were apart for the whole period of the vacations. We didn’t had cell phones at that time neither we had any landline number of each other. I realized her importance in my life when she was away from me. Time went back to slow speed, infect slower than ever. Swimming was no more fun, watching movies seemed senseless.  I felt like I lost reason to live, I felt like there was nothing left to see on this entire earth.

   

We met again. When we saw each other after 3 long months, we couldn’t look away. She had stolen my eyes. I couldn’t move an inch from my place, I was numb, so was she, she was starring right  into my eyes. We came closer and greeted each other formally. We sat on a bench in an empty class room

 and talked about what missed with each other in those 3 months. To my surprise she had chosen same subject as I did.  The conversation continued.

Sakshi: do you know why I chose science?.

Me: Nope. Why did you? You were good at other subjects too. You could have scored more in commerce.

 Sakshi: because you were good at science.

Me: (blank expression for a minute)

what are you talking about?? How does my score affect your subject?

Sakshi: I saw your diary.

Four words that came out of her mouth gave me answers to my all questions. I was afraid. I was scared. I didn’t knew how to reach on that situation so I tried to speak up an apology.

Me: I am sorr…

Sakshi cut me in middle and said : I love you.

And then my apology was modified into I love you too

Sakshi: I know.

And she started to sing my poem I written in that page in a funny tone.

I want to beeeee the one you need… lalalala..

We both laughed.

“That was an easy job dude” I said in my thought. 

We were inseparable. We were crazy, we were spontaneous , We were in love, infect we were so madly in love, that we started bunking classes at regular basis and our playground was expanded to whole Jaipur. I remember our first date was at the Mac Donald’s  in Gaurav tower mall. I was waiting for her inside, she came half an hour late then we decided but that waiting period was a lot worth it.  She came in a ravishing avatar, I couldn’t recognize her for a second but when she waved her hand towards me, and then I came to know she was my Sakshi (that still feels amazing when I say “my Sakshi”) she was wearing black denim with a white sleeveless top over it, I realized  that  her hairs were longest in the rest of girls in our class when she let them open  cause I have always seen her in a thick pony (it doesn’t mean I notice hairs of every other girl in our class) She came and slowly pushed my cheek away with her hand and said look away or else your eyes will pop out of your head.

To which I replied:  my eyes were already popped out of my head when I glanced into your eyes for the first time. You can’t imagine how special you are looking in the rest of the crowd, I can easily spot you in a million peoples because you will stand out in all of them, defining your beauty in words won’t be possible for me. 

 I am the most fortunate guy in this world to have you.

Shreya: So am I baby, you don’t know how special you are to me. I want to be with you till I count on my last breath.

me: hey don’t say these words. Don’t even think of thinking anything like that. You will live forever.

 Shreya: okay okay. So do you want me to starve to death now or you are going to order anything for me? 

why does she bring death in every conversation we have, I just hated it whenever she used that word, anyway,

we had our youth special aloo tikki with ice tea. It was the only thing I could afford at that time.

after finishing that we headed  back to our homes on my bike. While riding I had set the rear mirrors on her face. I kept looking at her again and again.

Sakshi: stop it… I can’t stop blushing whenever you look at me.

me: and I can’t stop looking at you.

I slowly took her hand in mine and kissed it. 

I have stopped eating anything in school’s canteen cause sakshi wanted me to eat only homemade stuff, she started bringing enough food for two of us, and I loved it. Having our lunch at the most isolated place  in whole campus, distant from every other human being was our daily schedule, after eating we used to chat about this and that, about us, about life, not any but everything…  

The past never mattered, the present we didn’t cared for, the future was uncertain, we were unaware of any limits of time…

That’s how our 11^th class ended. Both of us barely passed those exams. I passed with a 59% while Sakshi scored 72%. It was heaven score for me though but for Sakshi it was a curse on her academics.

we knew we have to spend our vacation period at our homes so we exchanged numbers.  We talked for hours. And our phone bills were at seventh sky. Papa screamed at me over and over for talking too much over phone but that didn’t stop me from calling her again. After 3 weeks Sakshi stopped calling me, she even didn’t took any of my calls she never did after that. I was damn angry over her by that time.

After the vacations were over I went school, I wished to see her the moment I entered school but she wasn’t there anymore.

I was angry but at the same time I wanted her badly. I wanted to scream over her, I wanted to tell her how I felt in last few days, I wanted to curse her million times. But her absence made my situation worst.

finally I saw her after 3 months of school. She was weak as hell, as if her blood went out of her body.

I wanted to talk to her at that time but she was with her father and we didn’t shared a nice bond with each other so I decided to hold back until her father goes back. to my surprise Sakshi left with him, 

I enquired about her at the school office window and came to know that she had left school. 

I was numb I was wounded I was sore,

I felt like my soul left me alone to die…

Me: that’s it.

Sakshi:That’s it?

me: yes. That’s all I wrote.

Sakshi: why did you stop writing then?

me: I didn’t felt like writing anything  after you left me alone in school.

Sakshi : but why?

me: I don’t know, i guess I wasn’t a good writer anymore, I felt like I lost my afflatus to write.

Sakshi:  But that resulted in good didn’t it? You are an engineering student now. 

me: I am with you, nothing else matters.

Sakshi :  (Strangely )let me sleep now and leave this diary here.

I gave a look at her, she said it like she was forcing those words on her lips. Without saying a word I left her, I never wanted to but I had to because I was too greedy for her well being…

 I didn’t saw Sakshi ever after that day. I tried calling her landline but it was dead by then,

I went hospital I searched for her but she wasn’t in her room, I met her last nurse and she  told me that  her parents took Sakshi USA for her further treatment.

She could have told me, or at least she could have left me something to reach her, to connect to her but she didn’t, why did she?

I was left unanswered with all my questions.

Her nurse gave me my diary which had a rose tapped on it. I pushed that diary into my bag and went back to my home. 

when I returned  home, I felled down on my bed and  threw that  diary away, I had made up my mind that I’ll never write again, then I saw a note lying on the floor right beside that diary.

If life won I will be with you anyhow,

But if its death,

Still I will be with you in your thoughts J

the only thing you have to do is accept the world as it is,

life is just the way you treat it,

and don’t stop writing,

it would turn out to be a great source of relief for you.

PS:  let the world know about us.

  

Move On

Done with a new novel today,”few things left unsaid” by sudeep nagarkar. It was a great way to kill hours. I just finished reading it in 8 hours or so. I really liked it, it was something that I can relate myself to,
love , passion , admiration, SEDUCTION, these are  the few of many of  key elements in this story,

the only question arises in my head  while thinking of this novel and the day to day life we come across that, is love  name of revenge?  Rivalry?   satisfaction?  I am confused in between my morals and the world around me,
 the world is full of commotions coming from every direction telling you what to do and what not to,
why doesn’t one just follow what their heart say?
Break up patch up patch up break up are the common terms in today’s life. But the hardest part for everyone is moving on...
 you had a break up, you are trying to move on while your ex is sleeping around with others within few weeks of break up so what does that means? What can we conclude with this situation?
Did your ex ever loved you or it was just your imagination, your  failure in trusting people?
After that how can you rely on your own intuitions over loving someone? 
And situation worsens when you’re doing the same, sleeping with others won’t make your ex guilty or you superior in taking revenge. So save yourself from those situations.
just don’t opt for the wrong people while you’re facing bad time in your life, they might take disadvantage of these situations,
people like this spend time with you  only to bait you the fraud dreams you desired once.
Once you’re in their trap,
they will use you for their own selfish reasons,
save yourself from these sorts of  mean species.

And for god sake stop trying to act normal.

“Trying to act normal makes you abnormal itself”.


While trying to move on every friend  of yours suggest you to have a drink and try to forget what happened as alcohol lowers the rate of remembering things.
but the bad part is after  few more days like that alcohol itself takes place of your life partner, you love it and why won’t you, it doesn’t complaint, it helps you to sleep , it diverts your thoughts to something else but that makes life unrealistic in some ways...
 you have to try, I did
I  preferred to stay away from alcohol while I was facing the same issues, and suggest the same to everyone else too cause according to me alcohol and break up doesn’t makes a great cocktail.

The world is running on hopes,
and I hope for a happy ending for everyone,
which I never had….