LOVE LIVE LEAVE

I called a friend of mine urgently to discuss our project’s chief module. It was 10:30 of night, I know it’s a wrong time to call someone but that’s me, Mr. impatient. He picked up that call after a long ring, I thought he was asleep that’s why he took so long but he wasn’t, infect he didn’t slept from past few nights, he suddenly burst out at me “what is it? Is this time to call anyone, whatever it is we’ll discuss tomorrow” and hung up on me.  That might appear normal to anyone so did to me at that moment, it was call to sleep for me as well, without thinking about our module or my friend I fell asleep… 

I was stunned to see him next day before me at college, he looked tired, his eyes were red and he had dark circles that shown his sorrowed dark night. I went near him and asked if everything is alright or not, he said “everything is fine”. We weren’t that close friends and our conversations were limited only to few topics. 

 I didn’t say a word and went straight into our class room. After some time I searched for him in our class but he wasn’t there, he was good at studies and always attended every class but not that time. I failed to think about any fishy thing in that situation too. 

Lectures were over after 12 am and I went in our canteen to grab a bite of something, I bought a cheese burger and sat over a table, my eyes were still wandering around for him. Finally I saw him from the window of our canteen, he was sitting alone on a bench behind the canteen having a smoke, I noticed few burned cigarettes beside him and a used pack of cigarette as well, I presumed he was heavily smoking. 

I went to him and asked again if everything is alright or not, he didn’t say anything but signaled me to sit beside him with tapping his left hand on the bench. I told him “I have a problem with smoke” to which he threw his cigarette away. I sat beside him and asked him again “what happened?”  His eyes were about to cry a million of tears, clearly he needed someone to support him and I had pretty much nothing to do at that moment so I decided to be that someone…

Whatever he told me and whatever I could conclude with his situation, I tried to put it in my words as him…. 

love live leave

These three words describe conditions of a marriage, marriage,  whose products are  like me

i can't describe myself,

 i know everyone used to say that they are different from rest,

 I clearly don’t know that I am alike or unlike them..

Or i belong to a certain category of depressed broken peoples

I feel that someday ill burst out of anger or pain or whatever miserable emotion it is, I can’t kill myself since I feel responsible for my parents, I live for them but watching them fighting every day, “I feel like killing myself every moment” either if I kill myself would that put an end to their situation? No it won’t, than they will call each other responsible for my death.

Whenever they fight, I put on my running shoes and run away from my home, yes, people will call me looser and advice me to stay with them and sort out their problems but people don’t know that this is the only thing I am doing from past 20 years of my life, I tried a lot to unite them together but nothing worked…

I can’t separate myself from them because I love them more than anything in my life, I pray to lord that I see the end of my life before they does.      

i just want rest of people to know that a marriage can be categorized into hell or heaven easily

You see each other,

you talk,

you date,

Try to know each other as much as you can, but don't take the decision of getting married too soon, 

why don’t you live in together for an year or so until you are sure on getting married? I know living in might look dirty or vulgar or scent of western culture to a major sector of Indian population  but that’s completely my opinion and has nothing to do with anything else. if you ask me, living in is a demonstration of how a marriage works and that can save a marriage to end too soon.

i don't know does  they ever think about me or not

For me they are perfect parents as they fulfilled every fucking thing i needed, dad is best dad for me and mom is a ocean of love.

But together? That’s not a marriage anyone will ever want…

The moral i had about marriage from my parents…

"You love each other,

Then live with each other,

Else leave each other”

I still can’t make a sense out of our conversation, why did he told me all this? This is supposed to be his family matter. He didn’t said much before to me, he never opened up this way, was it the moment in that moment or was it just a coincidence,

 Anyway I feel quite relieved since I know what exactly his problem was, and I can try to distress him from his problems…

this is story of every other teenage kid of our generation,

an awful marriage is reason for miserable lives of these kids…