The no one from nowhere....

So now when I’ve started working on my novel once again, it’s cutting me pieces by pieces. I have to go through same old records to recollect our chats, our messages, our silly pictures together, our bond…
 It’s not that I haven’t moved on over my relationships, I have different goals and aims today but still
it hurts in most unexplainable ways, whenever I go through my past….

“ A broken relationship is like a fatal cancer and moving on is like chemo sessions, you get better with every session, but deep inside you know you’re dying… ”

I don’t have to write about her, I don’t need to put these weights of sorrow upon myself but it’s something I promised myself from the day I took writing as a hobby… (7^th standard, as far as I consider)
 Why her?  what makes her so special than any other girl I’ve ever met or any other girl that I am about to meet in future or any other girl that exists on this whole earth…
even I ask myself the same question, I could have write about a dog I owe 8 years ago that I loved more than her, I could have write about my rough childhood, my school or college life but I didn’t…
then why her?
Even I ask myself the same question…

Although it’s pretty frantic to manage time to write with all the business pressure on my head, but at the end of the week. I need something to keep myself on the ground, to know my origin, to realize what I am and what I stand for, what I expect from myself and what makes me myself….
my blogs my articles are not just words evolved from an wounded soul..
My every piece of writing is a souvenir for people who are truly willing to know of me…
  












  

Nehru Gandhi era- via bhagat

Some hidden facts about the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

(It's not mine, no sir i do not have the temerity to out law the concrete theories of indian history, this is something i saw and wanted to keep, share and re read when my memory fade away....)

The Nehru-Gandhi dynasty starts with the Mughal man named Ghiyasuddin Ghazi. He was the City Kotwal i.e. police officer of Delhi prior to the uprising of 1857, under the Mughal rule. After capturing Delhi in 1857, in the year of the mutiny, the British were slaughtering all Mughals everywhere. The British made a thorough search and killed every Mughal so that there were no future claimant to the throne of Delhi. The Hindus on the other hand were not targeted by the British unless isolated Hindus were found to be siding with the Mughals, due to past associations. Therefore, it became customary for many Mohammedans to adopt Hindu names. So, the man Ghiyasuddin Ghazi (the word means kafir-killer) adopted a Hindu name Gangadhar Nehru and thus saved his life by the subterfuge. Ghiyasuddin Ghazi apparently used to reside on the bank of a canal (or Nehr) near the Red Fort. Thus, he adopted the name ‘Nehru’ as the family name. Through out the world, we do not find any descendant other than that of Gangadhar, having the surname Nehru. The 13^th volume ofthe “Encyclopedia of Indian War of Independence” (ISBN:81-261-3745-9) by M.K. Singh states it elaborately. The Government of India have been hiding this fact.

City Kotwal was an important post like today’s Commissioner of Police. It appears from Mughal records that there was no Hindu Kotwal employed. It was extremely unlikely for a Hindu to be hired for that post. Compulsorily only Mohammedans of foreign ancestry were hired for such important posts.

Jawaharlal Nehru’s second sister Krishna Hutheesing also mentions in her memoirs that her grandfather was the city Kotwal of Delhi prior to 1857’s uprising when Bahadur Shah Zafar was still the sultan of Delhi. Jawaharlal Nehru, in his autobiography, states that he have seen a picture of his grandfather which portrays him like a Mughal nobleman. In that picture it appears that he was having long & very thick beard, wearing a Muslim cap and was having two swords in his hands. Jawaharlal Nehru also states in his autobiography that on their way to Agra (a seat of Mughal influence) from Delhi, the members of his grand father’s family were detained by the British. The reason for the detention was their Mughal features. They however pleaded that they were Kashmiri Pandits and thus got away. The Urdu literature of the 19^thcentury, especially the works of Khwaja Hasan Nizami, are full of the miseries that the Mughals and Mohammedans have to face then. They also describe how Mughals escaped to other cities to save their lives. In all probability, Jawahar Nehru’s Mughal grandfather and his family were among them.

Jawaharlal Nehru was a person that India adores. He was undoubtedly a very sound politician and a gifted individual. But, the Government of India has not built a memorial of Jawaharlal Nehru at his birth place 77 Mirganj in Allahabad, because it is a brothel. The entire locality is a well known red light area since long. It has not become a brothel recently, but it has been a brothel even before Jawaharlal Nehru’s birth. A portion of the same house was sold by his father Motilal Nehru to a prostitute named Lali Jaan and it came to be known as “Imambada”. If you have some doubt, you may visit the place. Several dependable sources and also encyclopedia.com & Wikipedia say this. Motilal Nehru along with his family, later shifted to Anand Bhawan. Remember that Anand Bhawan is Jawaharlal Nehru’s ancestral house and not his birth place.

M. O. Mathai of Indian Civil Service served as the Private Secretary to Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru. Mathai has written a book “Reminiscences of the Nehru Age” (ISBN-13: 9780706906219).In the book Mathai reveals that there was intense love affair between Jawaharlal Nehru and Edwina Mountbatten (wife of the last Viceroy to India, Louis Mountbatten). The romance was a source of great embarrassment for Indira Gandhi, who used to seek Maulana Abul Kalam Azad’s help in persuading her father to be little discreet about their relationship.

Nehru with Lady Mountbatten

Also Nehru had love affair with Sarojini Naidu’s daughter Padmaja Naidu, whom Nehru got appointed as the Governorof Bengal. It is revealed that he used to keep her portrait in his bed room, which Indira would often remove. It caused some tension between father and daughter.

Apart from these ladies, Pandit Nehru had an affair with a sanyasin from Benares named Shraddha Mata. She was an attractive Sanskrit scholar well versed in the ancient Indian scriptures and mythology. When she conceived out of their illicit relationship, in 1949, in a convent in Bangalore, she insisted that Nehru should marry her. But, Nehru declined that because it could affect his political career. A son was born and he was kept at a Christian Missionary Boarding School. His date of birth is estimated to be 30^th May, 1949. He may be in his early sixties now. Convents in such matters maintain secrecy to prevent humiliation of the child. Though Mathai confirmed the existence of the child, no efforts have ever been made to locate him. He must have grown up as a Catholic Christian blissfully ignorant of who his father was.

Nehru and Shradda Mata

Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose and Dr. Shyama Prasad Mukherjee were competitors of Jawaharlal Nehru for the post of Prime Minister of India and both of them died under mysterious circumstances.

Knowing all these facts, is there any meaning of celebrating Nehru’s birthday as Children’s Day? Presenting him as a different person to our children and hiding the truth, amounts to denying education to them.

As per the book “The great divide: Muslim separatism and partition” (ISBN-13:9788121205917) by S.C. Bhatt— Jawaharlal Nehru’s sister Vijaya Lakshmi eloped with her father’s employee Syud Hussain. Then Motilal Nehru forcefully took her back and got her married with another man named Ranjit Pandit.

Indira Priyadarshini perpetuated immorality in the Nehru dynasty. Intellectual Indira was admitted in Oxford University but driven out from there for non-performance. She was then admitted to Shantiniketan University but, Guru Dev Rabindranath Tagore chased her out for bad conduct.

After driven out of Shantiniketan, Indira became lonely as father was busy with politics and mother was dieing of tuberculosis in Switzerland. Playing with her loneliness, Feroze Khan, son of a grocer named Nawab Khan who supplied wines etc to Motilal Nehru’s household in Allahabad, was able to draw close to her. The then Governor of Maharashtra, Dr. Shriprakash warned Nehru, that Indira was having an illicit relation with Feroze Khan. Feroze Khan was then in England and he was quite sympathetic to Indira. Soon enough she changed her religion, became a Muslim woman and married Feroze Khan in a London mosque. Indira Priyadarshini Nehru changed her name to Maimuna Begum. Her mother Kamala Nehru was totally against that marriage. Nehru was not happy as conversion to Muslim will jeopardize her prospect of becoming Prime Minister.

So, Nehru asked the young man Feroze Khan to change his surname from Khan to Gandhi. It had nothing to do with change of religion from Islam to Hinduism. It was just a case of a change of name by an affidavit. And so Feroze Khan became Feroze Gandhi, though it is an inconsistent name like Bismillah Sarma. Both changed their names to fool the public of India. When they returned to India, a mock vedic marriage was instituted for public consumption. Thus, Indira and her descendants got the fancy name Gandhi. Both Nehru and Gandhi are fancy names. As a chameleon changes its colour, this dynasty have been changing its name to hide its real identity.

Indira Gandhi had two sons namely Rajiv Gandhi and Sanjay Gandhi. Sanjay was originally named as Sanjiv that rhymed with Rajiv, his elder brother’s name. Sanjiv was arrested by the British police for a car theft in the UK and his passport was seized. On Indira Gandhi’s direction, the then Indian Ambassador to UK, Krishna Menon misusing his power, changed his name to Sanjay and procured a new passport. Thus Sanjiv Gandhi came to be known as SanjayGandhi.

It is a known fact that after Rajiv’s birth, Indira Gandhi and Feroze Gandhi lived separately, but they were not divorced. The book “The Nehru Dynasty” (ISBN 10:8186092005) by K. N. Rao states that the second son of Indira (or Mrs. Feroze Khan) known as Sanjay Gandhi was not the son of Feroze Gandhi. He was the son of another Muslim gentleman named Mohammad Yunus.

Interestingly Sanjay Gandhi’s marriage with the Sikh girl Menaka took place in Mohammad Yunus’ house in New Delhi. Apparently Yunus was unhappy with the marriage as he wanted to get him married with a Muslim girl of his choice. It was Mohammad Yunus who cried the most when Sanjay Gandhi died in plane crash. In Yunus’ book, “Persons, Passions & Politics” (ISBN-10: 0706910176) one can discover that baby Sanjay was circumcised following Islamic custom.

It is a fact that Sanjay Gandhi used to constantly blackmail his mother Indira Gandhi, with the secret of who his real father is. Sanjay exercised a deep emotional control over his mother, which he often misused. Indira Gandhi chose to ignore his misdeeds and he was indirectly controlling the Government.

When the news of Sanjay Gandhi’s death reached Indira Gandhi, her first question was “Where are his keys and his wrist watch?”. Some deep secrets about the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty seems to be hidden in those objects.The plane accident was also mysterious. It was a new plane that nosedive to a crash and yet the plane did not explode upon impact. It happens when there is no fuel. But the flight register shows that the fuel tank was made full before take-off. Indira Gandhi using undue influence of PM’s office prohibited any inquiry from taking place. So, who is the suspect?

Indira and Sonia Gandhi

The book “The Life of Indira Nehru Gandhi” (ISBN: 9780007259304) by Katherine Frank sheds light on some of Indira Gandhi’s other love affairs. It is written that Indira’s first love was with her German teacher at Shantiniketan. Later she had affair with M. O. Mathai (father’s secretary), then Dhirendra Brahmachari (her yoga teacher) and at last with Dinesh Singh (Foreign Minister).

Former Foreign Minister K Natwar Singh made an interesting revelation about Indira Gandhi’s affinity to the Mughals in his book “Profile and Letters” (ISBN: 8129102358). It states that- In 1968 Indira Gandhi as the Prime Minister of India went on an official visit to Afghanistan. Natwar Sing accompanied her as an IFS officer in duty. After having completed the day’s long engagements, Indira Gandhi wanted to go out for a ride in the evening. After going a long distance in the car, Indira Gandhi wanted to visit Babur’s burial place, though this was not included in the itinerary. The Afghan security officials tried to dissuade her, but she was adamant. In the end she went to that burial place. It was a deserted place. She went before Babur’s grave, stood there for a few minutes with head bent down in reverence. Natwar Singh stood behind her. When Indira had finished her prayers, she turned back and told Singh “Today we have had our brush with history.” Worth to mention that Babur was the founder of Mughal rule in India, from which the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty have descended.

It is difficult to count how many institutes of higher education are named after Rajiv Gandhi but, Rajiv Gandhi himself was a person of low calibre. From 1962 to 1965, he was enrolled for a Mechanical Engineering course at Trinity College, Cambridge. But, he left Cambridge without a degree because, he could not pass exams. Next year in 1966, he joined Imperial College, London but, again left it without a degree.

K. N. Rao in the above said book alleges that Rajiv Gandhi became a Catholic to marry Sania Maino. Rajiv became Roberto. His son’s name is Raul and daughter’s name is Bianca. Quite cleverly the same names are presented to the people of India as Rahul and Priyanka.

In personal conduct Rajiv was very much a Mughal. On 15^th August 1988 he thundered from the ramparts of the Red Fort: “Our endeavor should be to take the country to heights to which it belonged about 250-300 years ago. It was then the reign of Aurangzeb, the ‘jeziya’ master and number one temple destroyer.”

The press conference that Rajiv Gandhi gave in London after taking over as prime minister of India was very informative. In this press conference, Rajiv boasted that he is not a Hindu but a Parsi. Feroze Khan’s father and Rajiv Gandhi’s paternal grandfather was a Muslim gentleman from the Junagadh area of Gujarat. This Muslim grocer by the name of Nawab Khan had married a Parsi woman after converting her to Islam. This is the source where from the myth of Rajiv being a Parsi was derived. Mind that he had no Parsi ancestor at all. His paternal grandmother had turned Muslim after having abandoned the Parsi religion to marry Nawab Khan. Surprisingly, Parsi Rajiv Gandhi was cremated as per Vedic rites in full view of Indian public.

Dr. Subramanian Swamy writes that Sonia Gandhi’s name was Antonia Maino. Her father was a mason. He was an activist of the notorious fascist regime of Italy and he served five years imprisonment in Russia. Sonia Gandhi have not studied beyond high school. She learnt some English from a English teaching shop named Lennox School at the Cambridge University campus. From this fact she boasts of having studied at the prestigious Cambridge University. After learning some English, she was a waitress at a restaurant in Cambridge town.

Sonia

Sonia Gandhi had intense friendship with Madhavrao Scindia in the UK, which continued even after her marriage. One night at 2 AM in 1982, Madhavrao Scindia and Sonia Gandhi were caught alone together when their car met an accident near IIT Delhi main gate.

When Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi were Prime Ministers, PM’s security used to go to New Delhi and Chennai international airports to send crates of Indian treasures like temple sculptures, antiques, paintings etc to Rome. Arjun Singh as CM and later as Union Minister in charge of Culture used to organize the plunder. Unchecked by customs, they were transported to Italy to be sold in two shops named Etnica & Ganpati, owned by Sonia Gandhi’s sister Alessandra Maino Vinci.

Indira Gandhi died not because her heart or brain were pierced by bullets, but she died of loss of blood. After Indira Gandhi was fired upon, Sonia Gandhi strangely insisted that bleeding Indira Gandhi should be taken to Dr. Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital, in opposite direction to AIIMS which had a contingency protocol to precisely deal with such events. After reaching Dr. Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital, Sonia Gandhi changed her mind and demand that Indira Gandhi should be taken to AIIMS, thus wasting 24 valuable minutes. It is doubtful whether it was immaturity of Sonia Gandhi or a trick to speedily bring her husband to power.

Rajesh Pilot and Madhav Rao Scindia were strong contenders to the Prime Minister’s post and they were road blocks in Sonia Gandhi’s way to power. Both of them died in mysterious accidents.

There are circumstantial evidences pointing to the prima facie possibility that the Maino family have contracted LTTE to kill Rajiv Gandhi. Nowadays, Sonia Gandhi is quite unabashed in having political alliance with those like MDMK, PMK andDMK who praise Rajiv Gandhi’s killers. No Indian widow would ever do that. Such circumstances are many, and raise a doubt. An investigation into Sonia’s involvement in Rajiv’s assassination is necessary. You may read Dr. Subramanian Swamy’s book “Assassination Of Rajiv Gandhi — Unasked Questions and Unanswered Queries” (ISBN : 81-220-0591-8). It contains indications of such conspiracy.

In 1992, Sonia Gandhi revived her citizenship of Italy under Article 17 of the Italian Citizenship Law. Under Italian law, Rahul and Priyanka are Italian citizens because Sonia was an Italian citizen when she gave birth to them. Rahul Gandhi’s Italian is better than his Hindi. Rahul Gandhi is an Italian citizen is relevant from the fact that on 27^th September 2001 he was detained by the FBI at Boston airport, USA for traveling on an Italian passport. If a law is made in India that important posts like that of President and Prime Minister should not be held by a person of foreign origin, then Rahul Gandhi automatically disqualifies to contend for the post of Prime Minister.

After finishing school education, Rahul Gandhi got admission at the St. Stephens College in New Delhi, not on merit basis but on sports quota of rifle shooting. After a brief stay there in 1989-90, he did his BA from Rollins College, Florida in 1994. Just for doing BA one need not go to the US. The very next year, in 1995 he got M.Phil. degree from Trinity College, Cambridge. The genuineness of this degree is questioned as he has done M.Phil. without doing MA. Amaratya Sen’s helping hand is thought to be behind. Many of you might have seen the famous movie “Munna Bhai MBBS”.

In 2008 Rahul Gandhi was prevented from using an auditorium of the Chandra Shekhar Azad University in Kanpur for a students’ rally. Subsequently, the Vice-Chancellor of the university, V.K. Suri, was ousted by the UP Governor. During 26/11 when the whole country was tense about how to tackle the Mumbai terror, Rahul Gandhi was lavishly partying with his friends till 5 AM. Rahul Gandhi advises austerity for all Congress members. He says it is the duty of all politicians to be austere. On the other hand he has a ministerial bungalow with a fully equipped gym. He is a regular member of at least two of the Delhi’s poshest gyms, one of which is 5-star rated. Rahul Gandhi’s trip to Chennai in 2009 to campaign for austerity cost the party more than Rs 1 Crore. Such inconsistencies show that initiatives taken by Rahul Gandhi are not his own but, workout of his party men only.

During the 2007 election campaign in Uttar Pradesh, Rahul Gandhi said that “if anyone from the Nehru-Gandhi family had been active in politics then, the Babri Masjid would not have fallen”. It doubtlessly shows his Mohammedan affiliation as a loyalty to his ancestors. On Dec 31, 2004, John M. Itty, a retired college professor in Alappuzha district of Kerala, contended that action should be taken against Rahul Gandhi and his girlfriend Juvenitta alias Veronica for staying together for three days at a resort in Kerela. It is a criminal offense under Immoral Trafficking Act as they are not married. Anyway, one more foreigner daughter-in-law is waiting to rule the tolerant Indians.

Rahul Gandhi with Veronica

The Swiss magazine Schweizer Illustrierte’s 11^thNovember 1991 issue revealed that Rahul Gandhi was the beneficiary of accounts worth US $2 billion controlled by his mother Sonia Gandhi. A report from the Swiss Banking Association in 2006 revealed that the combined deposits of Indian citizens are far greater than any other nation, a total ofUS $1.4 trillion, a figure exceeding the GDP of India. This dynasty rules greater than half of India. Ignoring the center, out of 28 states and 7 union territories, more than half of them have Congress government at any point of time. Upto Rajiv Gandhi there was Mughal rule in India, with Sonia Gandhi, the Rome rule on India have started.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The objective behind writing this article is to acquaint the citizens of India with their national leaders and show how a dynasty has misused the democracy of this country. Several prestigious national assets and schemes are named after these lose-character people to immortalize them. Many other shocking facts are not presented in this article because of lack of supporting evidence.

Vande mataram.

_______________________________________________

Extracts from other sources-

There are allegations that in the night of 3rd December 2006, Rahul Gandhi along with his foreigner friends gang raped then twenty four year old Sukanya Devi at a VIP Guest House in Amethi. She is the daughter of Balram Singh & Sumitra Devi of 23-12 Medical Choke, Sanjay Gandhi Marg, Amethi, Raebareli, Uttar Pradesh. Police refused to register complaint; the National Commission for Women headed by Dr. Girija Vyas acted as a Congress party office. The victim and her family is missing since then.

MOTILAL married and his first wife and son died at childbirth.

MOTILAL and his second wife THUSSU (name changed to SWAROOP RANI) had three children

THUSSU with MOBARAK ALI (Motilal’s Boss) was the first son JAWAHAR LAL NEHRU (he was circumcised)

MOTILAL AND THUSSU had two daughters by name NAN (also called Vijaya Lakshmi) & KRISHNA

MOTILAL had also two bastard sons out of Muslim women by name SHEIK ABDULLA &SYUD HUSSAIN

__________

VIJAYA LAKSHMI eloped with SYUD HUSSAIN (half brother and sister) and had a girl CHANDRALEKHA

VIJAYALAKSHMI MARRIED R.S. PANDIT and had two more girls NAYANTARA & RITA

JAWAHARLAL NEHRU married KAMALA KAUL (marriage never consummated)

JAWAHARLAL had an affair with SARADDHA MATA (assumed name) and had a son given away to an orphanage in BANGALORE

JAWAHARLAL had an affair with LADY MOUNTBATTEN but no children

JAWAHARLAL HAD MANY AFFAIRS and in the end died of SYPHILIS

KAMALA KAUL had an affair with MANZUR ALI (who is son of Mobark Ali who fathered Nehru also) and their daughter is INDIRA PRIYADARSINI NEHRU

KAMALA KAUL had an affair with FEROZ KHAN (son of Nawab Khan who supplied liquor to their house) but no children

__________

INDIRA was found in the bed with her GERMAN TEACHER at Shantiniketan

INDIRA PRIYADARSINI nikhahed as per Islamic rites FEROZ KHAN after converting herself to Islam. Her new name was MAIMUNA BEGUM and both had changed their name to fool the public of India on the advice of Ghandi by an affidavit in a court to INDIRA GHANDI and FEROZ GANDHI

INDIRA and FEROZ had one son by name RAJIV GHANDI (as per Islamic rites he was circumcised)

INDIRA had an affair with MOHAMMED YOUNUS and had a second son SANJIV GHANDI (later the name changed to SANJAY GHANDI to escape prosecution in UK for car theft. He was circumcised as per Islamic rites)

INDIRA had an affair with M.O. MATHAI (Nehru’s steno) and a son was aborted

INDIRA had an affair with DHIRENDRA BRAMMACHARI but no children

INDIRA had an affair with DHINESH SINGH but no children

FEROZ had an affair with TARAKESWARI SINHA

FEROZ had an affair with MEHMUNA SULTANA

FEROZ had an affair with SUBHADRA JOSHI and many others.

The altitude...

Sunday, as usual..
After a rough working week, a person reaches heights of laziness once he enters in the premises of sunday.
Take me for an example,
1. I'm about to spend rest of my day on bed only.
2.Not a mighty thing could push me an inch on or out of it (except the wee break, that's the Lord's call ) 3.I've my laptop right beside me but I am texting this post on my smartphone since laptop would take some muscles to start.(finger is a muscle? Bones and stuff, isn't it?)
4. My mum put some protein shake on the side stand of the bed but I am thinking more then 10 times to move an inch and drink it or leave it as it is.(do I really need to drink it? It's not that I'll die without it? )
Well the eleventh thought of it stinking in my room got me up and bottoms it up as well, it took some hard core muscles to move(crawl would be appropriate word) to reach it and then I had to take it to the sink as well (the principle says "put the things on the same spot from where you take it, and i keep it to the heart, lalthough my room is a mess but the things don't leave their spot. The laptop, headset, A.C remote,data cables,  power cables every useable thing is on my bed and they never leave their spot, "principles" you see.

Sunday

after typing millions of quotations for clients and their projects, Sunday is the only day I’ve open Microsoft word to update my life these days.
Yes, it’s been long since I updated my blog. No excuses, it’s not that I couldn't manage few minutes to write about myself but the only reason was “I became too lazy to think of anything new”

One year deposit in Talwalkers gym has been wasting since I joined my family’s business, Yeah that, I passed out of engineering. I wasn't into joining my family’s venture that soon but I don’t know how one day out of nowhere I dropped at the spot and told my father “Paa, I wanna start working” I really regret that day now. I could have gone on a nirvana trip or a long ride or catch up with all of my lost soul buddies, I could have done all of that but instead I went to office and here I am 21 and working and stuff. Running a venture where employees who works under me are 10 year older than me.(does that sound proportionate in anyway?)
By the way, the work is cool, I get to take over the solution branch of our company, IT solution, security solution, storage solutions, it has all cool stuff to work around, laptops, camera’s, servers, network,  corporate etc  and I do love it. I’ve always been the solution provider whenever it came to my friends and their problems. So one can it was my destiny to became one in the industry as well.
 Sadly there isn’t anyone left in my touch who I may call a friend anymore, there are employees  who gets friendly with me but there isn’t any friend left to accompany my weekend’s late night’s movie or a walk at city mall or just a ride to nowhere.
I don’t know where did it all went wrong, they didn’t left me without giving any sort of hints or I was too dumb to get any. Am I the only one who feels like that or there are others like me?
I feel like I am the only guy left in a field of dead.

Confession

• 
  
• 
  

  

  
  A random article i posted on a confession page, got a little positive and a little negative response, a small part of my life...
  
  

  To the past,
  Even I didn't thought I'll ever fall in love til 2 years ago,
  A brat, egoistic, self centered person. wooing girls, lighting up parties, going on enumerous play dates and living
  upto my standards was my thing in those days.
  Until I met her, who sobered me, showed me meaning of life, teached me value of money(which I never cared for when I was spending for her) she became my only purpose to live.
  

  And one day she left me, for no reasons. ... my story begins from that very point... I thought this was just a issue of time and I'll move on easily. I tried to fill the space by going out with
  Different girls but ended up comparing them with her, I am not much of a drinker but when ever and where ever I did, I ended up telling people stories of me and her. I remember the days when i'd drink too much and cried whole night on shoulder of my father for no reason(well, for reasons I couldn't told him).
  I posted pics of much prettier girls hanging on me in hope to get a envied response from her but nothing came back, one day I drank too much and tried to jump off a 5 story building
  In delhi but lost my balance and fell on the terrace itself and passed out.
  I chased unknown black actives in hope that they'd be her(they were'nt). It's not that I don't like other girls I've been committed thrice after her but broke up with all of them because (well the reason is obvious)
  My only friend is my pug, since rest of guys finds me lacking in social life.

  I told people that I didn't fell in love but love fell in me...ACCIDENTALLY.

  What shall I say.
  I guess destiny has nothing left for me...

A life of snivel, agony and misery

I've left writing for sometime as my attention was blurred and distracted by the inducement of life.
I realize that whenever I am in pain, I am heaved toward the keyboard myself. 

It feels like a storm of misery and melancholy hovering over my head, like the darkest shade of night in the eyes of a blind man.  Certainly there is nothing to prove or to make a point. I am just letting out some of what’s eating me up.
When the logistic reasons die, the irrational, unreasonable, unthinkable born. I am just 21 but it feels like I’ve seen ages of alteration in lives of mortals, like a profound spirit is wandering in a corpse of a lost man. I visit and fuse with plenty of people of plenty of temperament and plenty of camouflage, but yet so far, I couldn’t find a single person of akin mindset as mine. That’s one o the reasons why I feel so detached from this life, it feels like I am made to be a loner.

Plethora of times I hear that “No one understands me”, “I am different from rest”, although I know they aren't  I politely reply them “I know you are.” But deep inside I see nothing different in them. They all are colored in same dimensions.

 

Kadam takra jaye kisi ummeed se,
ke mil jaye koi  bahana jeene ka..

(Wish I drop into a reason to live.)

Short CUT

Its like suffering, suffocating, sting. I am not a child anymore but I feel like closing myself in a closet and shut down till I die.

A child born out of wrong marriage as well as wrong parenting.
Most of people of my age think about their hopes and ambitions and there I am riding a bike and hope for a meteor fall on my head or crash into a immense truck and die a quick and sound death.

Kill me lord.. I can't stand it..

Age of rock...

School… 
Anxiety, envy, nervousness, brotherhood, crushes, victory, brawl, failure… 
plenty of keywords pops up in my mind whenever I hear this “school” word. Although I haven’t been the leading element of my class, but I hope that I still earned a blurred image in the memoirs of my mates back then. 
“From where shall I begin?” this would have been the first question, everyone would have asked themselves when they are told to speak about their school days, so did I. 
The moment paa left me at the door of 6th C would not be the very much appreciated memory. I was the unwelcomed new kid in the pack of old students. Precisely my name was “Roll no 38” for everyone in the first few days as it was pretty simple and trouble free to remember. Though I wasn’t much of an attention grabber kid, I made few friends, some who were before and after 38 and some who were alive with social interaction skills. 
Through the 6th standard, somehow I managed to slip into the pack of old students. Harsh, Swati, Yudhishtir, Shreem, Ajay, Chandrika, Vijay, Priyanka, Mridul, Ekta, Himanshu, Kuldeep,Anupam, Sachin .Pardon me if I forgot few names from the 6th standard, I guess I should be worried about the poor memory, maybe it’s a pre symptom of Alzheimer. 
As I passed through 6th standard and promoted into 7th, I faced several shocks and blows, Kuldeep got transferred from school, back then he was the closest buddy I had. We used to roam across physics lab and search for some damaged gadgets and used electric projects. Our dream was to become NASA’s scientists. It’s incongruous that we didn’t even know what N stands for in NASA. (I confess that I still don’t know it. National, neurological or Ninja? Maybe that’s why we’re not eligible enough for NASA, leaving the job for professionals)
Where I was still in a blow by loss of a close friend, surprise elements were added in class, Vikram and Disha. I have to accept that I wasn't too fond of Vikram at first, his hilarious drolly south Indian accent used to put me on laugh rides, but later I came to see his kind side and I became quite close to him. “Still remember the fight on the word ASS, I said ASS refers to donkey whereas Vikram….. Let’s just say you can imagine what he meant” (forgive me buddy, I now admit that an ass is not always a donkey) 
Whereas Disha was a party popper, a live wire on fire, she was one hell of an amusing character. I can’t even picture her face without a wide grin. I don’t have any recollection of her present but I hope she’s doing well in her own ways. 
Oh yes, how I can leave tales from 7th C without disclosing about the first crush of mine, or we shall say the first crush I remember of. It was an impossible one to crack and I laugh out loud whenever I think of her, we were kids, yes we were.
Ah and loss of Swati in 9th grade was not pleasing as well, an amazing singer lost in wilds(by wilds I meant “I am not in touch with her, not even Facebook”, if anyone know of her, please do tell me)

About love, till 10th standard I came to comprehend that love and crush are entirely poles apart. If a crush was love, I’ve fallen in and out of love plenty of times. 
Getting back to 10th standard, things really changed, friends changed, not much, they just turned into rivals. Actually life would have been incomplete without friends and rivals as well. We can’t live without both of them as they add the flavor to our eternity. 
11th grade, things got back to their places infect they got better, a fully loaded last bench. On one side there was me, Vikram, Yudhishtir and occasionally Rishabh joshi on the other side there was Aporva, Akshay, Milo. 2nd last row was dedicated to girls I think? Aayushi and…. Aayushi, that’s it I don’t remember anyone else, pardon me, infect don’t blame me. Aayushi is one of few peoples you can’t dare to forget. They are either capable to rock you’re world or throw rocks at you’re world and burn it to ashes (I mean it, stay in the good list of them or things can get really rough) what can I say. I was frightened of her to death. Not anymore but at the same point I don’t want to wake the lioness by offending her in anyways.
Aman, Shikhar and ashutosh, nothing much about them they were a trio, threesome, call it anything, I really couldn’t recollect any memories associated with them except that Aman was a jolly guy, Shikhar was a sporty guy, and Ashutosh was a guy, brainy guy? I don’t really remember much of him. Hope you all are happier than ever. 
Aayushi dhadich, priyam saxena, priyanka amteda &kratika I hope we’ll spend some more time in our next life’s school days. Indeed school life was too short and I was too dumb to talk to all of you. Wish you best for your life.
Jayant, you are the brainiest guy I ever crossed my path with and my man. You’re on one long road to success my friend.
Are you she(arushi sharma) I’ve always seen an mature person in you. You’re one go getter kind of person I met in my life.
A long gasp, it feels like I am about to die any moment and want to write about every student I ever met in school days before I take my last breath,
if I am not writing about you now then either I am a sick patient of Alzheimer and I pay my most modest apologies to you
OR you’ve been a complete douche bag in school days, a sincere middle finger salute to you.

Anyway, it has been an quintessential journey with you guys.. Do stick around whenever you get some spare time for your old pal.
PS: anyone up to make it a novel? Interested co-authors are most warmly welcome to my message box.

Google knows nothing

Why do we fall effortlessly in depression?

Searched it over Google as they say “Google knows everything” but forlornly couldn't find a satisfactory response. Right now, I am standing still at the darkest instant of time, staring dazedly at my messy chaotic condition. I feel allied to every depressing song I listen to. Couldn't find a reasonable motive to live and even pray for a calm and painless pleasing death sometimes.

Peoples find happiness in devouring a new exotic dish, wearing new cloths, buying stuff and god knows what else. It’s like they find delight in every crisp of moment and whereas I am concerned, every moment is meant to pass away and if it won’t last forever, what’s the reason to like it?

 In a simple manner, with every birthday passing away, we are getting closer to death, hair fall, wrinkles,  lack of strength, diabetes, arthritis,  blood pressure and plenty of other mortal diseases. Why do we celebrate them?

Take heritage, art or museums, people are spending their money in upholding and preserving what is meant to be long gone. Instead they should crush those art corpses and built a gratis hospital or a school per se. that would mean a lot to the people who can’t afford to see a doctor or admit their kids to school.

Everything I see puts me in a moral psychotic battle with myself.    

Metro

Call it health conscious, metro sexual, cynic, pessimistic or just worried. I am too anxious about my health and it shows in my mental state. Skin, weight, immunity level are some key facts that are on my head a lot of times, at least once in every 2 or 3 hours.

 Off course I don’t stop myself from eat. I have an immense heart for food, I cook sometimes, I try every dish and often buy untried food groceries that I’ve heard about or seen somewhere but I kill those extra calories at gym regularly. (In refined words, I used to, till a month ago.)  

Although the reasons beneath not going gym are outcome of pure juvenile behavior (winters comes with gigantic indolence for me). Warm and comforter quilt, sugary food, and astonishing soaps wins on judgment against cold & jabbing winters. I spend most of time in my house only. No college, no gym, even the dog isn’t surprised anymore when he put his eyes on me. He used to be totally fervent, when I come back home after a rough day in college or anywhere else but not anymore, for him, I am as equal as  the old man sitting on the couch, belligerent about the system.

It’s been around a month that I haven’t gone to a gym and its effects are showing on my health.  I’ve gained few pounds on the sides, lost an inch or two of muscles I used to have, also I’ve became a little bit more sluggish.
These things don’t matter much to me as I know I can get that flat stomach and those packs of abs again in three month work out, what alarm me is the obsession for stretching.

Back in the days of working out, before workout, I used to stretch my body up to the upper limit that popped and relaxed every joint of my body to an ease. Elbows, knees, toes, back, neck and every possible joint was popped up during the stretching session. Now days I am getting used to stretch my body whenever I get time.

It’s like caffeine, I can’t resist it. I didn’t fret a lot about it before a friend of mine told me it can be a cause of severe arthritis and I must quit it before it rules my brain. I searched and browsed plenty of sites that tells popping joints up to a limit is nothing to be serious about, but doing it often can cause big problem.

I haven’t popped any joint since few days but it had grasped my brain’s most of the attention, I am thinking of popping joints every other minute. But I had to conquer this obsession to reach an ideal state of health.

Nothing to worry about, I am continuing gym yet again from the beginning of March.

I left my old gym due to lack of amenities and majority of male gender. And then I started searching over town for a better, sophisticated and much elegant gym.

After a strenuous hunt, I came across the Talwalkars,

Although its name is pretty bamboozling, Talwalkars was the best gym I came across Jaipur. It had a flourishing history that took it over the top on the charts and made it one of the biggest chains of health centre all over the country, also ranking among top 3 health club chains in Asia.

Spread across 50 cities of it has over 150 tasteful branches with over 1, 25,000 members.

The Talwalkars maintain its refined exclusiveness by providing best facilities over the rest. Consulting dietician, personal training, CHCF, Massages, weight gain, Management programs and god knows what else. Their steam/sauna is heavenly appraisable, spa is best as well as the kickass cardio program.

   PS. Its membership is pretty posh but once you join, it feels totally worth it.

           

The bribe way is right way.

Most of my teenage was spend aloof from the system of government. Until 18 I didn't knew where to deposit electricity bill, where to fill income tax or even where to go to get a license for 2 or 4 wheeler vehicle.

I wasn't allowed to ride bike outside the safety region till my 18^th birthday. As I stepped into my 18^th year, my wise and law abiding father tossed the keys of a bike in front of me so that I can ride my way to college contentedly. But the first thing to do was to get a 2 wheeler driving license by Rajasthan transport office, piece of cake! I repeated in my head at first.

My father always told me that the right process is the easiest one, so I went into the RTO building and got a form filled with a driving safety guide book. As per the law I got into the queue and waited for my turn to submit my papers to the officers.

“You don’t have this paper, you don’t have that proof, this spelling isn’t correct, that name isn't correct” these were words of the inspector who tested my papers before cutting me off the queue. There, I was out of queue before even getting a learning license.

“Tough luck, I must get all papers but that would take forever” I thought for a while and I saw a guy smiling at my condition.

“She will throw you out even of your papers are 110% watertight, you’ll get your license sitting out of the queue effortlessly if you get help from right person” he spoke conveniently.

“How?” I shrugged.

“That would take 1000 bucks and you’ll get your full proof permanent driving license easily”

It wasn't that tough, I gave him a little advance and he wrote some symbols on the back side of my documents. I went back in the queue and surprisingly the lady inspector allowed me to give a learning license test.

 I got my permanent license as the guy told me, in a plain painless manner.

So was the 4 wheeler license process. I was failed at the driving exam when I took my own car in the field. But when I rented a car from one of the agent, even the worst driver would get a license if he drove a car from those agents, although my driving was pretty impressive.

What I or any teenager would have learned at that time was simple. “The bribe way is the right way”  

 The government pushes people to give bribe or else our work won’t get done in time and we’ll be stuck midst of the queue forever. Ever seen that movie? The gangster put a rat in a can and put the can over bare pot belly of one of his foul employee. He heats up the metal can by flaming it up, and the rat digs his way inside out through the belly of that foul employee. What’s my point is that government is the gangster and we are the rats. They don’t leave us any other choice but to dig our way through deceitfulness and then they brag about demolishing corruption from this country.

 This is what a common, a mango man learns in his life.

Today I am 21 and am applying for passport. I am already rejected once for submitting a birth certificate that wasn't up to government’s criteria. What’s my mistake if the birth certificate has not executed surname of my father correctly on that shitty piece of pen written paper?  They would overlook completely every other full proof genuine document, like my driving license, citizenship card or my marks sheets which have intact description of my eternity.

They want bribe but they won’t say it because security cameras are on, they might get trapped in some sting operation. Why is that? Why does they play with our lives, isn't their salary enough to feed them?  The next time I’ll apply for a passport, I’ll hire an agent beef him up and get my passport done.

Get it people, In Rome you live like Romans and in country like mine, the bribe way is right way, this is how system works here...

PS. I may get arrested to blog this post,
democracy is just in papers in this country….